Dear Nia:

Your parents got divorced and your mother left you. You lived with your father then, after their divorce, and your mother was gone from your life. This is a very traumatic experience for a child, for her mother to be gone. And then your father died when you were 17.

Of course this childhood does not lead to feeling safe in a relationship with a man. Even if a man is very trustworthy, it is the trust lost to a child long ago that keeps the hurt and fear going as an adult.

I suppose you expressed that distrust in your husband to him long ago and that is why he gave you all of his passwords (?)  You mentioned that he said that you are “too possessive”, because of ongoing mistrust in him, I am guessing.

Other than what you mentioned in the chat he had with the other woman, was there any indication of romance or physical attraction in the chat, words to that affect, by him or by her?

anita