Dear Anita

I am thinking of reaching out to other counselors nearby my hometown Brick, NJ because Stockton is in Galloway, NJ which is an hour away. Hoping  to find someone who isn’t too expensive because sometimes the private counselors are anywhere between $100-200. There is one counselor in Brick, NJ who helps with gender dysphoria and since I’m out of network for my insurance, she has a sliding scale for therapy sessions and the scale is $30-110, where I think I might be able to pay out-of-pocket if it’s in the $30-60 range. The counselor said that the only available appointments she has are in April, so I would have to wait. In the meantime I want to keep seeing the counselors at Stockton and also get involved in the Transcendence group on campus to meet other transgender people. I also reconnected with the nutritionist on campus because my anxiety sometimes makes me not really feel hungry and other times I will feel really hungry so I’m hoping that she can help provide tips on how to be healthy in eating with anxiety. I am feeling really stressed because working through my mental health has caused me to feel quite tired at times and there are times when I just feel really emotional and will start crying. I just feel like I’m falling apart and working on building myself up by working through my emotions that are really intense. Having my parents yell at me saying that I am only acting like this because it’s all because of the thoughts in my mind and saying that I am not meant to be a scientist is quite straining. I enjoy science but working on my mental health can take a lot out of me and I find that I might have to take a break from academics. I am thinking of dropping Organic Chemistry as well because I just don’t have the mental power to focus on it. I have a counseling appointment tomorrow at Stockton and I am going to talk with my counselor about the stresses. I just feel like I’m under a lot of pressure and my parents aren’t making it any better. Sometimes when I’m driving to college, I am aware of the road but I drive in a haze not really feeling in touch with my surroundings. I feel lost in anxiety. I don’t really daydream much, it’s mostly at night when I start seeing shadows because of the darkness and my stress. When I do daydream or get lost in thought, I am still aware of the world around me and I know that the daydream is just my mind bringing up past memories. Sometimes I will start crying because I will remember a past memory and I will get lost in it. I just feel like I’m done trying because I’m just so tired and feeling like I’m not sure if I even exist in life sometimes like things just feel like a haze and I just feel like I’m falling apart not sure how to mend and I realize I need help so I want to keep the counselors at Stockton but I feel like if I withdraw from Organic Chemistry I will not be enrolled in any classes and I won’t be able to seek counseling because counseling appointments are likely for enrolled students.