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Am I in love or obsessed?

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  • #341544
    Emma
    Participant

     

    Here’s my little story:

    So I met this guy three years ago while we were studying in uni. Let’s call him John.From the first time I saw him he became part of my life. It was always ‘him’. He felt for me as I felt for him.  There is always something in the air. 

    Anyway, John started showing his interest in me but he was in a long term relationship so he didn’t make a move. A month later he broke up with his then-girlfriend. He did not make a move at that moment either and I thought that this was ok because he just got off a relationship and needed some time to clear his mind. 

    For the next three months we talked occasionally and in my mind I was thinking that he might not want anything more to happen. So, I went on and started dating another guy. But before the relationship became exclusive, I went out with John, he kissed me and things went a bit further than that. We woke up the next morning and he we were cuddling when he said that i needed to make the next move. That I had to do more to show him I am interested too. Well, I didnt think that was the case, because he was the one who needed to move on from his past relationship and I was giving him space. Anyway I had to tell him that I was dating the other guy. He got disappointed but he didn’t interfere and he respected my choice.

    Some months later, John found a new girlfriend and everyone was happy, a friend of mine told me that John was devastated for some time because I did not chose him and that he really liked me. As you can imagine this conversation is still on my mind two years after. 

    However, I never stopped thinking about John. He didn’t stopped either. There is always something in the air. We know we are not Just friends. I broke up with my boyfriends and my feelings for John started to manifest lately. I cant do anything because he is in a relationship and I respect that. But I really think about him a lot of times during the day and I frequently find myself day-dreaming about the day he will come back to me and kiss me again.

    So my question is, do you think Im really in love with John or I am obsessed because of an uncompleted love?  Is it just lust? Or something else? This is not keeping me back from my life though, I do find myself comparing him to other guys but I dont think that I cannot find a new and good relationship.

    Thank you for your time! xxxx

     

    #341690
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Emma:

    After John’s relationship with his girlfriend ended and before your relationship with your boyfriend became exclusive, you rejected john by telling him that you were dating another guy. For months later you continued to date your boyfriend and eventually he found another girlfriend.

    To answer your question: “do you think I’m really in love with John or I am obsessed because of an uncompleted love? Is it just lust? OR something else?”, I need your answer to my question:

    – why did you choose to give John space when he asked you to make a move (which meant he didn’t want space, and wanted to be in a relationship with you, if I understand correctly)?

    anita

    #341716
    Emma
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I am sorry I did not make it clear. I decided to give him space when he just broke up with his first girlfriend. I wanted him to come back to me when he was ready. When he came back he told me that I was the one who had to make a move to take it a step further. But I did not get why  because I was the one who waited for him all along.. When I told John that I was dating another guy he stopped talking to me, he did not want to interfere because he knew the other guy.

     

    Thank you

    Emma

    #341720
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Emma:

    “When he came back he told me that I was the one who had to make a move to take it a step further“- he meant that he wanted a relationship with you, and for some reason wanted you to bring up having a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship with him, didn’t he? That’s how I interpret what he said.

    How do you understand what he said (the italicized above)?

    anita

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