Hi Nico,

I too am with you when it comes to understanding guys. Or romance for that matter. I dislike how dating or romance has become (or maybe it had always been like that) nowadays that it seems to be a game which rules everyone knows or has to keep up with. It’s like a dance of cha-cha. Show a bit of interest but not too much, show a bit of disinterest but not too much. It is all too confusing and why can’t we just show how we truly feel? I think it stems down to the fact that a lot of people are confused and don’t know what they really want or to how much they can commit so they have to know that the other end decides first, before they could make a decision.

The only advice I could give (and hope that it helps) is that instead of figuring out what he wants, rather figure out what you want out of the relationship, or any relationship for that matter. Sometimes we are too engrossed with a particular person not because we like them per se (most of the times, we haven’t asked ourselves if we really do like the person) but because we like the feeling of being loved and adored by someone. It has happened to me before that I came to a point of almost chasing this guy after I have given something which at that point am too weak to say no to. I soon found out that all the urge to make him like me is due to the fact that I don’t like myself. That made me very scared of how I could easily settle to something I don’t want just so I would feel love cos I myself didn’t love who I was. Now that is just one situation of how we can get too attached by something that, at the end of thorough thinking, we don’t really want or we know is not good for us.

Whatever his reasons are, if he used you or not, if he was attached but just chose to pursue what he thinks is good for him, I don’t think you will ever figure out unless he explains it you (and if he is honest about it) What you can figure out is how you truly feel for him. If you got attached into something that most people understood as ”casual arrangement”, don’t condemn yourself for falling for him. It is a wonderful ability to fall in love, it means that you have the ability to see people’s beauty. But yes, sometimes it makes us hurt, all the more reason to really know who we truly are and what we truly want especially in a partner.

The next question you must ask yourself is ”is he good for you?” Does he make you want to better yourself, be the best version of yourself or he makes you lose yourself little by little, build up your self insecurity more and more? Only you can know that for sure and only you can know to what extent you are willing to stretch your heart for him. If he is not good for you, regardless of how great of a person he is, regardless of how good you are together, regardless if he will be the person you’ve always want him to be to someone else, the point is the ”now”. If he is not good for you ”now” and only makes you feel more negative specially about yourself and about the world, it is best to detached. Start taking care of yourself, find ways in which you can love yourself more and no matter what happens in the future, if he will come back to you or not, or if someone else will come along, your strong and more self aware heart will be your guidance on where you want yourself to stand onto.

Best of luck 🙂