Forum Replies Created
April 28, 2013 at 7:53 am #34924tinParticipant
I agree so much with what Tom had said. I was or still is in a break up. I would just like share some of the things that helped me in getting through the shattering emotions of a break up. Firstly, the thought that “a little discomfort doesn’t hurt” has got me through the toughest of times when that pang in your heart starts to dig deep in your chest. For me it happened mostly everytime i wake up in the morning. i went through a lot after it, scared of being left alone, feeling unwanted and abandoned ( the break up was due to him finding someone else) until i came to point when i was looking at myself in the mirror reflecting on the dangerous things i have done just to avoid being alone, like a light bulb, it dawned on me that it wasnt people who think i can never be enough but that it was myself who thinks i am not enough for my own
everything after that changed and the sense of loyalty to myself has helped me tremendously in taking care of myself. I told myself that i will never give up on you. The feeling of being in love with someone is great, of being loved by someone as well but there is a certain stability and peace in the realization that you first love yourself that is why you can love others without constantly being hammered by the fear that they might not love you back. It was a process but it was all worth it in being closer to myself and finding inner strengths i did know existed in me.
Other things that helped me in seeing things in different perspectives are;
The alchemist by paulo coelho and other books by him
Mindfulness in plain english
Life of pi
Man’s search for meaning by viktor frankl
As well as beck’s sea change album
And yes i have gotten a liking to reading as well and also revisited sketching and drawing 🙂 it is good for you to find helpful materials which you can relate at times when you cant fully express what you feel inside. and lastly, i admire that you are able to come out of the relationship. I dont think that anyone can be happy at the expense of other’s suffering, so it is also unlikely that you will be happy in an affair. Ultimately you will lose yourself and begin to get used to things that are out of your moral standards. But the beauty about life is that with every ‘now’ is a chance to build a more peaceful, happier future and that no matter hard any given situation is, we can always find a meaning for it, like building a strong character out of suffering, or gaining a clear idea of what you want out of a break up. I hope things work out for you. Good luck 🙂April 24, 2013 at 12:32 am #34549tinParticipant
I too am with you when it comes to understanding guys. Or romance for that matter. I dislike how dating or romance has become (or maybe it had always been like that) nowadays that it seems to be a game which rules everyone knows or has to keep up with. It’s like a dance of cha-cha. Show a bit of interest but not too much, show a bit of disinterest but not too much. It is all too confusing and why can’t we just show how we truly feel? I think it stems down to the fact that a lot of people are confused and don’t know what they really want or to how much they can commit so they have to know that the other end decides first, before they could make a decision.
The only advice I could give (and hope that it helps) is that instead of figuring out what he wants, rather figure out what you want out of the relationship, or any relationship for that matter. Sometimes we are too engrossed with a particular person not because we like them per se (most of the times, we haven’t asked ourselves if we really do like the person) but because we like the feeling of being loved and adored by someone. It has happened to me before that I came to a point of almost chasing this guy after I have given something which at that point am too weak to say no to. I soon found out that all the urge to make him like me is due to the fact that I don’t like myself. That made me very scared of how I could easily settle to something I don’t want just so I would feel love cos I myself didn’t love who I was. Now that is just one situation of how we can get too attached by something that, at the end of thorough thinking, we don’t really want or we know is not good for us.
Whatever his reasons are, if he used you or not, if he was attached but just chose to pursue what he thinks is good for him, I don’t think you will ever figure out unless he explains it you (and if he is honest about it) What you can figure out is how you truly feel for him. If you got attached into something that most people understood as ”casual arrangement”, don’t condemn yourself for falling for him. It is a wonderful ability to fall in love, it means that you have the ability to see people’s beauty. But yes, sometimes it makes us hurt, all the more reason to really know who we truly are and what we truly want especially in a partner.
The next question you must ask yourself is ”is he good for you?” Does he make you want to better yourself, be the best version of yourself or he makes you lose yourself little by little, build up your self insecurity more and more? Only you can know that for sure and only you can know to what extent you are willing to stretch your heart for him. If he is not good for you, regardless of how great of a person he is, regardless of how good you are together, regardless if he will be the person you’ve always want him to be to someone else, the point is the ”now”. If he is not good for you ”now” and only makes you feel more negative specially about yourself and about the world, it is best to detached. Start taking care of yourself, find ways in which you can love yourself more and no matter what happens in the future, if he will come back to you or not, or if someone else will come along, your strong and more self aware heart will be your guidance on where you want yourself to stand onto.
Best of luck 🙂