@shelbyville I don’t mean this with any hurtful intention but you avoid very good advice on this thread. Good advice can never make you go the wrong way or damage you, it gets you to the place where you are meant to be without the extra blows or pain/damaging yourself. I have noticed advice given about blocking your ex, deleting all contact, all of the things your therapist should have insisted and guided you towards very early on instead of molly coddling you so you can finally let go, you haven’t done.

You should know by now the choices you were making were wrong. We often justify them and say it was a road we must take. No it isn’t a journey needed when someone has advised us there was a less turbulent way out, it is what keeps us in a loop of being on again and off again, a relationship which ultimately leads to a dead end and wasted time, more pain.

A committed relationship where 2 people work is one that needs the exertion you’ve put in. Not an unrequited one where none of your needs were met.

I feel you have stuck with your therapist because the therapist must give you what you want to hear rather than really challenge you. Maybe as @sammy says it’s time to stop , save money as nice as it is to have someone listen to us in the end we have to implement the change and you are equipped to do that just need to put it into action.

Other advice Michelle gave about having a balanced relationship where you give and take in general and with your new guy friend who you yourself said was an immense support etc. you don’t seem to have taken on and when I have challenged you recently after you felt let down by your friend you have ignored answering which makes me think you must have done what I did with Jay.

I’m also really really surprised after a year and half of Michelle supporting you on this thread you also avoided addressing her recent cancer scare and the one she faces right now. Both Sammy and I have addressed in our messages which you have read because you replied to our messages. She doesn’t want sympathy but surely she would have liked to hear something about it from you. I’m not being mean, just observations made and they come from a place of wanting you to be happier because your thread made us get there and I’m pointing a few things out so we can help get you to the same place as those who have moved on and learn to face the reality.

Do you find it hard to deal with constructive criticism? You need to see it as a trigger for change not a way of someone bringing you down. It is someone recognising more value in you. They see more potential in you so own it.

Honestly a balance with being kind to yourself and also hearing the truth is essential. Those who love you I bet would give the exact advice Michelle has because they want the best for you. She is right, the thing that makes you feel uncomfortable or challenges you is often the one that pushes you forward. It is the one that helps overcome and fight the insecurities and fears and leads you to a better future.

So a lot of the reason why you are not healed as much or as quick is because you’re choosing not to follow the hard truths. I actually agree with Sammy and having had therapy too very few give you that real reality check. They mostly just try to explain why you act in a certain way, they lend an ear and do draw things out slowly which is fine but risks you becoming stationary. Often making you too self aware and just question or dissect everything rather than taking things at face value. This is crap in new relationships too as you dissect it apart before it’s even begun rather than allow nature to take its course (I speak from experience)

Only you can fully take reigns of your own life. Once we have all recognised that, that is when we have let go and made better decisions and choices.

A lot of people wouldn’t say the above in fear of causing upset. I feel like I may feel guilty afterwards knowing you are sensitive but I feel you really need to hear it. If you allow it to speak to you and resonate it will be for your own happiness and benefit.

You’re not disappointing anyone. You are an amazing chick. We just want you to give the pain and hurt a middle finger and get you back to your amazing self and moving onwards and upwards