Welcome back! Your partner is still in the military, your relationship with him is almost 5.5 years old, started, I believe in December 2014. His son is about nine.

Good Morning Anita,

I have missed you and this forum, I have been so busy i don’t seem to find to browse on this wonderful website.

Yes you are right about partner, relationship and the age of his soon.

Hmm I never thought that it could be down to the Covid-19 affecting my stress levels, i just think from being on my own for 3 months, then being in self isolation and then lock down hit me hard. I was not able to see anyone and at least when i was at work i could see my colleagues, but then i got laryngitis and was sent home. Being sick and not having one person look after you is also quite depressing.

I understand what you are saying here in regards to confrontation etc, unfortunately as i think you know from previous posts, he is the worst at communicating, he doesn’t know how to and talking to him is even worse than talking to a brick wall. Fortunately he has been able to still train on base, but now he will be home for the next week and half, so i don’t know how his attitude will be. I will take your advise however, and keep the peace until I hope at some point things can calm down.

At that time, late Oct last year, six months ago, you felt “so exhausted.. can’t even look in the mirror some days.. so tired with work.. I feel fat, I feel disgusted with myself”. I suppose in the last three months, you felt better (“I felt good about myself, motivated”), and now, you feel badly again. – This is what i find strange Anita and something that i at times don’t want to admit to others as i feel…how can i put this without sounding out the obvious truth to myself that i am so obviously scared of. When he is away from me i thrive… as in; i work more on my mental and physical health i.e meditation, reading my books, listening to calming music, working out, going for nature walks. When he is back, i dont find the motivation to do all that or i feel that i cant do that because he is here. I am still trying to figure out why that is and why it happens to me. Is it because i feel threatened by his physical aesthetics and i feel inferior (look at him and then look at me, what is he doing with me) or is it because i am so used to him not being here, that he is disrupting ”my space”? I really do not know what it is.

Thank you again Anita for your ongoing help, i hope you are keeping safe in these awful times.

x