I first of all have to applaud you for making such a difficult decision knowing it might not work out, but if you want it to work this must be done. Take a better attitude towards the situation and especially towards yourself. If you truly care about this person, you have to understand the hardships and issues she is dealing with. Clearly if she has this type of relationship with you, there is something dead in her marriage. You owe it to yourself, not just her, to give her this time. You don’t want to get into a relationship with someone who is this confused. She went outside of her marriage for something that was missing. She needs to find herself and realize what she wants in a relationship. Right now she has the comfort of her husband for certain things, then the comfort of you for the things she is missing. She is partially involved with 2 different people. She doesn’t know what she wants.

I completely understand where you are coming from with your emotions. Sure, work, activities, friends, going out, and doing things helps to take your mind off things and you generally feel good about it. However, when you get home, sit down, and finally start coming down from your day you tend to reflect. Sitting in your own thoughts and letting them overcome you can be hell. I know exactly what you mean about being lonely. You are fine with being alone and being with yourself, but it’s going through life lonely. I am in a very similar situation. What I have done to make those nights better and to no longer have them is to work on myself. I really sat and thought about this loneliness or fear of it. I started to realize that it isn’t that I am lonely. It’s the fact that I wasn’t completely comfortable with myself, who I was, where I was going, and what I am currently doing. I wanted someone else in my life to share it with. More like I wanted someone in my life that would value me and validate me, make me feel important. Only you can truly make yourself feel that way. If someone else does, that’s just topical. I started writing my feelings down without structure or thought and then re-read them. I got more active working out and being healthier. I took more pride in my work. When difficult situations showed up, instead of feeling down and doubting myself, I encouraged myself to embrace the uncomfortable feelings, know that I can overcome them, and move forward.

Take some time for yourself. Use this time to work on yourself. This could possibly be the best thing for the both of you. You get to know you better and to make yourself a better person, and she gets to figure out herself.