Dear Matthew:

It is common to exaggerate, it is one of the very common “cognitive distortions” referred to in Cognitive Behavior Therapy. It is called “all or nothing thinking” or “black and white thinking”. So don’t be alarmed about exaggerating in this way.

“Do I actually have a great life?”- you are not enjoying yourself and you have been suffering for a long time, so no, you are not having a great life.

“Do I actually have.. an average social life and I am just not able to see it?”- I don’t know what’s average, but you clearly have more positive social experiences than what you acknowledge and remember. I think that you are very bitter, understandably, about the rejection and bullying that you experienced. That bitterness blinds you to positive experiences, causing you to minimize and even forget those positive experiences.

I heard from other members before, saying that their experience in school/ with peers caused them their significant lifetime distress, but in each case, I found out that the trouble started in their homes, in their relationships with their parents.

You are the first member where this seems to not be the case, that is: your distress did not start in your home, in the context of your relationships with your parents. It started in school and on the street, in the context of your interactions with peers/ strangers.

If you do choose to write more today/ tonight (whatever time it is where you are), I will read and reply tomorrow morning, about 15 hours from now (your story requires more of my awake- attention than what is available to me now, it being later in the afternoon here). Please do add anything at all that comes to your mind, that may be relevant to your topic: your emotional learning journey!

anita