Hello,
My name is Ria. I have graduated an year ago and now looking forward to do my masters. I’m here to ask for an advice because I’m badly hurt by regret over breakup.

I started dating my ex exactly around this time last year. We were together for six months ( though six months is not a longer duration compared to the great love stories that we usually read ). Our families know eachother for a long time and they are very close. So i know my ex since childhood but we never had any great interaction before it was all just casual meetings that happen until last year. Last year he proposed me at a common family meeting and said that he has been seeing me from 3-4 years and that he likes my nature and he wants to marry me. He is 7 years elder to me and well settled but on the other hand i was just freshly graduated and want to focus on career. Even my parents were also dreamt of seeing me in a good position in my career because i have always been an academically bright student so they have good expectations on me.

So when he proposed me i was just shocked because i never expected that he had feelings on me. Though being from close families we have always been like strangers. After he proposed me i just didn’t say anything and just ignored him. Then he started messaging me asking about my opinion i told him that i can’t marry him because i don’t want to marry anytime soon as I’m preparing for the masters entrance exam and that i have career as my first priority then he said that he will wait for me and that he will propose marriage only when I will be ready. Initially i was very hesitant to accept the proposal but i did accept somehow. Later we started talking and started knowing each other. He just completely won me over. I told him about my insecurities and my dreams etc. He also shared everything with me. He was always used to say that marrying me was his dream. He was very caring understanding but short-tempered where as I’m a very soft, sensitive, active girl. Though he was easy to get angry he never used to get angry on me he used to treat me like a princess.

Everything was going fine and he always wanted to meet me talk to me or message me then i told him that for the bright future together he has to give me some time so that i can concentrate on my career. I told him not to message me unnecessarily and only message me when he thinks it’s necessary. I knew that i was keeping restrictions on him but those restrictions were to me as well because even i also stop myself from talking to him. I started attending classes and started studying for the exams but then he used to message me unnecessarily then also i didn’t scold him because his intention was just to talk with me. So i told him again and explained him clearly and told him that he can message me occassionally but not daily because I’m busy with my studies but if anything important he can talk to me right away and I’ll be there for him. Then few days went and he used to get weak deliberately without eating so that i talk to him. I told him then that if he does like this i might end the relationship for the best of the two. Later we continued relationship and then after few days he again started doing the same thing and i was unable to concentrate on my studies so i got frustrated and for few days i fought with the thought of breakup. Because even i didn’t want to loose him but i finally broke up with him because i felt it was unfair of me to draging him into this when i could not reciprocate the same and i couldn’t give the time to this relationship where as he was trying heartfully to be with me. I felt guilty imposing restrictions on him. Other than this the other reason was i got frustrated because it was affecting my studies. So after the break up it was like a huge relief to me though i also felt very sad because even i wanted to be around him. After breakup he tried many times speaking to me about getting back together but i didn’t agree and just blocked him on my phone. He was devastated after the break up and i felt so guilty that i desperately wanted him to move on with someone else so that i don’t feel guilty anymore. After few days he kept marriage proposal in front of my parents to which my parents readily agreed because they know him and his family from a long time and had good relations with them. I told my parents that i strictly want to concentrate on my studies and that i have made the decision. Then in this January i gave my entrance exam and the result was good and i decided to go for higher studies. Then again in February my parents again asked me about his marriage proposal but i told them about my plans.

Then in early march i heard that his family arranged his marriage with someone else. Initially i didn’t feel bad but later after 10 days i couldn’t take in the fact that he won’t be mine anymore and i started missing that relationship and missing him as a person. I remember him every moment. I have dreams about him. I wake up every morning thinking about him. I’m just completely tortured by this regret.

He messaged me 20 days back but this time he was so angry on me and he started saying that i should have not accepted the relationship and that he was happy after i left him he also started hitting on my insecurities while he was saying all these i just asked him to be in senses before speaking because i was just shocked to hear him saying those words to me. Then we ended the conversation after him saying few cuss words to me. Though he has said all those things my heart still wanted him but i didn’t tell him anything.

Then a week back he messaged me and apologized me for talking to me in that way and asked me to be friends because our families are so close so we do get to meet in future so to not make things embarassing he asked me to be friends. To which i said okay then he started flaunting his fiancee and started saying those things about her which he once used to tell about me. He said that his fiancee is very understanding and that he was happy. I told him that i was so happy for him and told him all the best in advance for his marriage and ended the conversation.

I felt very horrible because now that i started feeling like this towards him, he has replaced me with some one else and completely moved on with that girl. He was my first love and he was the first person towards whom i felt like this. Our common friend told me that new girl is okay but she hasn’t completed her graduation and didn’t have any interest on studies.

I understand that it’s selfish to feel like this way as I’m the one who has ended relationship but maybe somewhere in my heart i thought that he will wait for me and he will never replace me so i thought i can go back to him after few years but now that he has really replaced me with someone else i could not take it.

Because of this lockdown due to corona his marriage is postponed now i might have to attend his marriage after few days as our families still have a very good relation. Now i won’t be able to take the pain of him marrying someone else in front of my eyes. For the past one month I’m unable to focus on my studies also.

Please give me an advice to move on.

• This topic was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by tinybuddha.
• This topic was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by tinybuddha.