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  • April 28, 2020 at 2:33 pm #351958
    Deblina
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    I am new to this group. I am 27 years old living in Toronto. This is my story and I would like to know that is there any fault of mine here at all?

    So in October 2018, I started talking to a guy in Toronto itself. He was Indian and I’m Indian too. We started meeting and hanging out and we were similar in all the ways possible. By December 2018, he said he loved me and we were in a relationship. From December 2018 to March 2019 he was away at his Uncles place near to Vancouver. So for three months we were in a long distance relationship. He never failed to call me during that time, each day every day. He came back to Toronto and we both got busy with our lives. He had his studies , I had my job. Everything was going perfect.

    I previously asked him that does his family have any problems with me. He had said no not at all but the only thing was they believed in matching Kundlis. So we thought that when the time comes then we will se and even if something goes wrong we can find out a solution.

    Everything was fine until January 2020. He finished his studies and he decided to move permanently to Vancouver to his Uncles place. As per him he wanted to join his business. I tried to make him understand that this is not the right time to take such a big step as he was just a graduate. He did not listen. In between all these months he always helped me financially as I was going through a very rough phase in my career front. But he always said I took the wrong decisions and I never listened to him too, which isn’t the case at all.

    He left for Vancouver in January 2020, when I was in the lowest point of my life career wise. Still I was like okay because I did not want him to give up on his dreams. After a week or two while he was gone he started acting weird. His calls became less and he started saying that this is not gonna work. I started having panic attacks at night. I tried to ask him he said his parents matched our Kundlis and they did not match thus they said no. I said lets find a solution but they were so adamant that once they have said no so its a no. I was shattered, he was okay with this and he was okay to let me go. I begged him everyday for two months, I had stopped eating, seeping, I used to cry all day everyday. He blocked me multiple times from everywhere and then again unblocked me. At first it seemed empathetic but slowly he turned so cold towards me. Maybe he wasnt earning anything or something or maybe his family was pressuring him. And since the time we started dating his family knew me, I even spoke to his mom a couple times. His sister , his cousins all knew me.

    A couple days back out of a heated conversation he said “you are the worst mistake of my life trust me” and this choked me to death.

    I want to ask this community that did I do something wrong? Any of this is my fault?

    Please  help!

    April 28, 2020 at 3:08 pm #351966
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Deblina:

    You are definitely not at fault for not fitting an astrology chart (Kundlis).

    What he told you (“you are the worst mistake of my life trust me”) is a very strong statement. Any idea what he meant by it (were you arguing with him before he said that, shaming him.. calling him names, anything like that)?

    anita

    April 28, 2020 at 3:15 pm #351968
    Deblina
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I have never ever shamed him in any way. I have never called him names, even though he was rude to me since January , I never lost my cool. Yes I might have cried and nagged a bit for him to come back, for him to try talking to his parents, for him to take a stand for us but never abused him at all. When he blocked me for first couple times I could not take it and I used to feel sick to my stomach as if I was about to die and because I told him that it might have seemed that I was emotionally blackmailing him but all I said was the truth with utmost respect nothing more.

    April 28, 2020 at 3:30 pm #351972
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Deblina:

    Then I don’t see that you are guilty for the breakup.

    I am trying to figure out his anger behind that sentence, and I wonder if he was upset with you for having helped you financially for a long time, thinking that if he didn’t help you, he would have had more money for his Jan Vancouver move.  What do you think?

    anita

    April 28, 2020 at 3:33 pm #351974
    Deblina
    Participant

    I have paid him back all his money, each single penny whatever I owed till date. I don’t know what could possibly be the reason.

    April 28, 2020 at 3:45 pm #351978
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Deblina:

    I am ready to answer your questions:

    “did I do something wrong?”- no.

    “Any of this is my fault?”- no.

    His anger probably has a lot to do with him moving to Vancouver, to his uncle’s and being in closer communication with his parents, being a subject of their ruling of his life.

    anita

    April 28, 2020 at 3:48 pm #351980
    Deblina
    Participant

    yes even my mum said that too. he is too frustrated and I had warned him about this before.

    Honestly, then if a man cannot take a stand about his own life let alone me then what’s he’s gonna do later on.

    A general question , don’t you think each individual should stand up for themselves and their partners too no matter what happens and try to fix things?

     

    April 28, 2020 at 3:58 pm #351982
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Deblina:

    His parents didn’t raise him to be an independent, strong man who  will take a stand against them. They raised him as an owned individual; they own him. He doesn’t like it that they own him, that’s why he is angry, but he feels too guilty to break away from them.

    So he obeyed them and directed his anger not at his owners, but at you.

    As to your question, each individual should stand up for themselves and their partner, yes. Problem is that his parents are his.. Partner. And they will allow him the woman that they want for him.

    anita

    April 28, 2020 at 4:04 pm #351984
    Deblina
    Participant

    you are so right Anita. I needed to hear this from somebody. My mum was right all this time.

    April 28, 2020 at 4:20 pm #351986
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Deblina:

    Your mother and I are right, but it will still hurt for some time, this breakup. Feel free to post here anytime, and I will be glad to reply to you.

    anita

    April 28, 2020 at 4:22 pm #351988
    Deblina
    Participant

    I will for sure . Thanks for the support!

    April 28, 2020 at 5:05 pm #352004
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Deblina.

    anita

    May 1, 2020 at 5:01 am #352464
    Ravi
    Participant

    Hi Deblina,

    I want to ask this community that did I do something wrong? Any of this is my fault?

    Have read your post…Answer is

    NO (have written it in bold and caps).

    Yes some parents are strict on kundli matching and the results. By the way have you ever checked that? You can also do it online. Was just curious to know the results as you said they turned back after the matching of kundlis. Maybe one is Manglik. Or maybe very low points needed to proceed further.

    If you have found even a little bit of peace with your situation then you do not need to reply back with your results or to go and check the kundlis. Maybe you can just move on. Its good that you have paid back all the money so you are now clear of any financial debts and karmic debts too.

     

     

     

    May 1, 2020 at 8:27 am #352486
    Deblina
    Participant

    Hi Ravi,

    Thanks for reading my post. I did see them myself online. And the results came as “unpreferable match , but many other aspects are positive so you can consult an astrologer and find out the right way to go forward with the alliance” fact is we both are Mangliks , thus the factor crosses off eventually. My mom personally went to our family astrologer and he said its not impossible, but his parents are so stubborn that once the points are low they are not ready to listen to anything and find out a solution.

    And to me this is very wrong. And Trust me I have tried my very best to convince them or even him to at least listen and try find out a solution but they didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself. I begged him almost everyday for two months and then each day my health was sinking. So I stopped eventually.

     

    May 1, 2020 at 9:07 pm #352574
    Ravi
    Participant

    Yes some parents or sometimes even the prospective groom is adamant about the kundli matching.

    “And to me this is very wrong.”

    I suggest you to NOT hold this kind of belief system. Because, it can happen again in a marriage situation or in some other situation. I’m saying about the fact that if something did not happen as per my beliefs then what the other person did is wrong. If you do not break this belief system then another situation would come to do exactly that.

    It requires deep compassion and understanding to break that belief.

    Meaning – everyone is always right from their level of consciousness. Meaning – if you had the same kind of thoughts, feelings, emotions, upbringing, life situations, parents as those parents then probably you would have done the same. Its a long complicated thing.

    “Trust me I have tried my very best to convince them or even him to at least listen and try find out a solution but they didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself.” 

    This itself is a proof that you both are not destined together.

    “I begged him almost everyday for two months”

    I’m sure you know that true love does not require begging.

    Do move on, if you are able to. And if not then please do post here and the forum is always able to assist.

    tc.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by Ravi.
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