To me, it sounds like you’re setting healthy boundaries. Putting your mental needs first isn’t selfish, it’s self-care. There’s a very big difference. Selfishness is putting wants first. Self-care is putting needs first, and self-care is even more important for you when you’re already suffering from depression and anxiety. It’s ultra-important, actually, so no, not at all selfish. Like you said, you are not his therapist, you cannot be his therapist… and him treating you like a therapist will only drag you down.

It sounds to me like his actions are toxic to both of you. He doesn’t want to eat much, which is very, very unhealthy and is only contributing to his depression, and as someone who loves and cares about him, it’s hard to stand by and watch him not taking care of himself, not caring to take care of himself, and even worse, constantly complaining about how he feels while he’s not taking care of himself.  I understand how completely frustrating that situation is, as I’ve been there myself.

You mention that he feels guilty spending money on food, etc. Is he low income? Are you in the US? If the answer is yes to both of those questions, he can probably get counseling services for free if he qualifies for Medicaid in your state. That might be something to look into. It sounds like he could really benefit from therapy.  If not, he needs to implement self-care, especially a healthier diet and exercise. Not eating enough will absolutely wreck a person AND their mood. Eating enough food is way more important than saving money.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 7 months ago by Valora.