My question was more about releasing what I (finally am beginning to) recognize is in there. I can “feel” it under the surface, 42.5 years (I’m 44) of repression. Couldn’t list them ALL by name, and don’t need to; they’re ALL there.

But to paraphrase the (better) explanation I saw given by another person on another forum: I can’t get the cry out.

Or the laughter, joy, gratitude, anger, fear, etc. I can recognize it (the act of repressing) as the cause of the constricted feeling in my chest, the desire to make as few waves as possible in life. like a new-born fawn smelling the cougar and knowing – to the depth of its DNA – that ANY ripple in the grass is too much movement.Too much space given to past trauma. And the solution (I can hear the collective scrambling to regurgitate) is to forgive.

Let’s take a walk through the (entirely confused) mind of a Very Bad Buddhist, shall we?