Dear anita,

It’s been a while. I hope you and the ones you love are fine.

You made a great analysis of the song ! Maybe you found why I like it so much. It’s strange because I’ve noticed several times having troubles when it comes to remembering my childhood. It’s as though some of my memories have been cast into a black hole.

When I was very young, my parents divorced. My father was starting to become violent and my mom was afraid for her life and mine. So she flew away with me. After my parents’ divorce, I had to see my father every weekend. It was a nightmare every time. I was very anxious when seeing him. I was and am still afraid of him. I know he is unstable. Thus, began my story of chronic anxiety I guess. Basically my mom raised me on her own. I had very good grades at school and didn’t feel different from others. In high school, I made a few good friends that I still have to this day. Then I moved to another school and I had a bad time there because I felt that I had lost my new friends and I didn’t like my new colleagues at all. For the most part, they were particularly shallow and extroverted. Then I fell in love for the first time (I was 16). I was crazy about her, my whole world was revolving around her and all I wanted was to get close to her. I thought that it was love when in fact it was an illusion. I was in love with the image that I had of her in my mind. I barely knew her. My feelings were so intense that she knew I had them. One day, I asked her out but told me that I was imagining things, that she considered me as a colleague of class and that’s all. I was devastated, crushed. Heart broken, I remember falling on my bed crying every evening for several months. The pain would not go away. Somehow, I kept feeling sad but without any reason. I knew that it was more than casual sadness and started thinking that it may be depression. I felt weak, my self esteem was non existent and felt worthless of love and life. It lasted 4 years before my mom decided to do something about it. Indeed, one day (I was 20) I had an anxiety attack in front of her. I guess that she was scared of what I had become and could not tell herself that it was OK anymore. Thanks to her, I found a therapist who told me that it was depression and gave me pills. The pills really helped me, that’s for sure. But that’s the moment when I began experiencing panic attacks on a regular basis. This therapist can’t perform a psychotherapy for me and that’s why I’m looking for someone else. I’m sure that I need a psychotherapy most of all ! I managed to become a medecine student somehow but still struggle with issues such as friendship and romantic ones. I think that I am in a better place than a year ago but things change very slowly and I’d like to be able to enjoy life, love and be loved before it’s too late.

Daniel