Dear SearchForSelfPeace:

“I always wonder how can I mentally brace myself to stop feeling hurt when I see my friends making an effort for their other friends but not me.. I care a lot more about them than they do about me”-

You mean that you care about a particular friend and see that friend as a higher priority to you, but that friend cares less about you that you care about her, and sees you as a lesser priority.

“can a person go about .. without having any expectations from anyone?”, meaning can you (or anyone in your place) care more about a friend and feel okay with her caring less for you.

Assuming I understand what you are asking correctly, then I’d say: no, I don’t think that you can feel okay about caring significantly more about a friend than that friend cares about you.

I used to be very sensitive to how I was treated, noticing and focusing on anything that indicated to me that another person didn’t like me or think well of me, so much so, that I was focused inward, not outward. I was so focuses inward that I didn’t really listen to and understand my peers. So lost in my own thoughts and distressing feelings, I didn’t feel empathy for them. As a result, I didn’t make friends.

And so it happened that people my age really did not like me or value me because.. although I desperately wanted them to accept me and approve of me, I didn’t  accept them and approve of them, and I was angry at them for any perceived indication of them not liking me.  It is funny, in a sense, and sad, how desperately I wanted friends and how unfriendly I was to others, at the same time.

Do you partly relate to my experience?

anita

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