Dear loveandkisseszaphod:

You are very welcome. If you are like your mother in any way you don’t want to be- it’s not anything you chose, it’s a reaction to her. A lot of what a daughter become is an automatic reaction to who her mother is.

I can’t take things lightly. Maybe I am not the type for casual things”- I guess you are not the type for casual things. Neither am I.

“Most of this drama is because of the lockdown mindset”- when you wrote in your previous thread “once I connect with someone, then he has a strong power on me”- that was before the pandemic and the lockdown, and you did mention being obsessed and stalking your former’s boyfriend’s social media, and that was before the pandemic and the lockdown. So I wouldn’t say that most of the drama in regard to this man is because of the lockdown.

“How do  people deal with the ambiguity with hookups and sex?”- if what you want is love that includes sex, not sex for the sake of sex, then better not put yourself in a hookup situation hoping that maybe the guy will “catch” feelings, fall in love with you, maybe if you were nice enough or passionate enough or sexual enough- that’s a recipe for misery!

Instead, be selective and get involved with a guy who honestly tells you ahead of time that he wants what you want, a committed love relationship.

You mentioned building up expectations: if a guy tells you that he wants a monogamous love relationship, then you expect that of him and get to know him based on that knowledge, instead of building up expectations from a man who didn’t express any interest other than hooking up.

I hope you aren’t hard with yourself and that you do “take a lesson and move on”- and the lesson may very well be what I suggested above. What do you think?

anita