Hello Angie,
Glad to know you thru your letters. I have to confess that what you wrote is very sticky for me. Why?, because I know how it feels, actually, I still face those feeling in my life, the difference with the “former me” is the way I interact with those kind of situations today :).

I read it carefully, word by word, I’d like to mention a couple of things that could help you(If do it, I’ll be more than happy). Quick tips:

-As I can see, you understand “change” as something hard to achieve and even harder to sustain. You should work on realizing that change is actually easy when you’re focused, and look, change is the life’s second name.

-Our vocabulary defines too much of what we get in life, I know probably you already know this, but, I noticed you like so much words like “hard”, “try”.. change them for “easy” and “I’ll do”. Believe me, you’re results will speak by themselves.

-So… stop!.. before changing and improving what you are… accept yourself the way you are today… If you don’t do it, and you change, eventually you will have a lack of satisfaction, because you’re inner being will say “I’m better now, but, who I was where arrived this world was a deception”.. and that is a heavier weight to carry.. remember: we don’t get in life what we want, we get in life what we are”

-About anxiety and nervousness stuff. I recommend you read some books about the background of that feelings ir our brain, I mean, the physiological explanation. This will help a lot, because “when we know something about other, we are inmediately placed in a position of domination”.. you’ll feel better knowing how those feeling work.

Well, about your questions:

Q1: Do you think that “thing” is worthy?.. If yes, well, take a paper and write down every good thing about it..

Q2: Here we have some logic stuff.. You though it was ugly because of your mental patterns and beliefs. That doesn’t make ugly. Do not work saying “it’s not ugly anymore, it’s not ugly anymore,it’s not ugly anymore”…. work on your beliefs..and stare a lil bit more in the mirror, smile to yourself..

Q3: Just change it, remember, changing is easy 🙂

Angie I hope this helps you to feel better and grow. Waiting for your reply :)..