Dear Josh,

Perhaps the first thing to think about is a way to get out of the toxic traps and toxic patterns in your relationship? The depression your girlfriend suffers from isn’t your fault, isn’t your fault. But it also isn’t your responsibility: it’s lovely that you’ve taken the time to try to be there for her and be patient with her and help and support her. The core of the problem needs to be addressed though, and helping her to seek some therapy for it could be a way of supporting her through it? Things may have happened in the past, and the start of the relationship sounds like it was rocky, but the issues of the past need to be put aside, and your girlfriend needs to see how important that is, and how important it is for you both to be the ones seeing the best in each other if you’re going to continue or re-establish a supportive and mutually nurturing relationship. The relationship I’m in now started in a similar way to yours it sounds, so I can understand why your now girlfriend might feel insecure perhaps? But it doesn’t justify constant criticism – nothing justifies that, even if she is wonderful underneath that. Ending the relationship or taking some breathing space could be helpful. It’s worth remembering that your girlfriend’s fears and feelings are her own and originating from within her, and that is where they need to be addressed in order to allow her to react and engage with you in a more open and understanding (rather than defensive/aggressive) way.

I really hope you can work it out and find a way to care for your needs, whether that means staying with her and approaching the problems constructively, or breaking up and beginning afresh ~