Dear Tara:

You wrote: “I am aware none of the things that happened to me in my childhood are my fault… I do not carry any animosity for my parents to this day, as I understand and recognize that sometimes things just happen”-

– what happened to you in your childhood was someone’s fault. If it wasn’t your fault and it wasn’t your parents’ fault then.. indeed things just happened and things will continue to just happen because no one is in control.

Your parents fought with each other in your presence (you were able to witness their fights), and your mother shared with you her anger toward your father. These behaviors, having been done repeatedly, are behaviors that your parents could have stopped for the purpose of not hurting you.

Self control is a thing.. that didnt just happen in your home, and maybe it still doesn’t. It was possible, throughout the years, for any one of your parents to say to themselves: maybe this behavior is hurting my daughter, maybe I should stop this behavior.

For the purpose of your healing, you need to understand the concept of self control and responsibility: who is responsible for what.

anita