Dear Miyoid:

You are welcome and thank you for your kind words.

“She has an extreme empathy towards animals and innocent people”- but you too were an innocent person, as young as you were when she neglected you and fought with your father.. you too were innocent, a wide eyed little girl in the corner, scared, having nothing but love for your mother.. that’s as innocent as can be. But she didn’t have empathy for you, not extreme empathy, not a little empathy.

“when I try to talk about a huge problem in my little world, it’s not relatable for her. That was always the case”- your little world- it’s not a smaller world than any other person’s world, it’s not smaller than the worlds of the animals she loves, nor is it a smaller world than the richest person’s world or the most politically powerful, or the most famous. Your world is not smaller than anyone’s, no less important than anyone’s.

“I’ll probably try to be understood by her again and again but I don’t know what would happen”- better you don’t try to be understood by her. When you were young and simple to understand, she didn’t care to understand you. She is very unlikely to care to understand you now. Your hope to be understood and loved.. is not with her.

“maybe I have to accept that she’ll always be like that. She won’t care that much, she would not understand.. I have to accept that”- I agree, but you don’t have to accept that you are not worthy of being understood and loved.

My mother too didn’t understand me, she too had empathy for animals, but not for me. It was very, very difficult for me to understand that this will not change, that she didn’t have a heart for me.

Do accept that she is the way she is, but don’t accept that you are the way she perceives you to be. Your little world is not little: you feel as intensely as anyone, your desires are as strong as anyone’s. You are not limited to the way your mother perceives you.

anita