Hello,

I am sorry you are feeling so blue at the moment.

I think that you need to take a step back and breath for a moment. You are over whelmed with stuff to do and I think you need to break things down into little pieces and do things one step at a time.

I think it might be wise to look at some of the small practical things you can do first.

It may be that I have misinterpreted your writing, but it seems to me that you have not yet contacted your internship person about your start date? Am I correct?

If I am right, you need to just send the email. Just a two line email. Dear so and so, I’m really eager to start my internship. Please could you give me a start date so I can arrange some child care. You can reach me by replying to this email or calling me on 0000000000000. Kind Regards, Straight No Chaser.

If you have already been in touch and have received no reply, email again. If you haven’t heard back in two working days, call them. If you don’t get to speak to the person you need to speak to, leave a message.

Lets all hope that they call you back. However if after a few times at contact you haven’t heard anything, email and call again. This time make it clear you are concerned that because you haven’t heard anything, you would like to know if the internship has fallen through. Then take time to calmly think about the situation and take it from there.

I will say that I’ve worked in busy industries where lots of internships were offered. Unfortunately sorting out the arrangements was often at the bottom of most peoples to-do-list and priorities and I have waited ages for responses myself and witnessed the same happening to others. It’s annoying but it’s important not to take it personally or see it as a reflection on your abilities. It’s just unfortunate that you are the victim of other people’s disorganisation.

Reading your post I get the impression that you feel very judged by society and the people around you? Am I correct?

I know I can’t take away those feelings for you, but I think you need to mentally dismiss those who you think are judging you. So you don’t have an academic education. Who cares? So what? So you are finding it difficult to find a job? Who cares? So what? So are millions of other people.

Anybody who judges you because of these things is ignorant and foolish.

I also feel it might be wise for you to let go of this desperate need to find a purpose. I don’t believe in purpose, I think it’s kind of a made up thing. Animals don’t wander around trying to find their purpose, they simply exist and that is enough for them. I think trying to find a purpose is a little dangerous, it suggests that some lives are worth more then others and I’m not convinced by that.

Your purpose in life is like mine. You are a human being and that is all the validation that you need.

You might want to read around the topic of imposter syndrome, because it sounds to me that you may be currently thinking along these lines.

I hope you find some peace.