Dear Belle:

You shared that you applied to one university, studying physiotherapy, became very anxious and depressed, dropped out, got better, re-applied to that university for the year after. After two months you changed to a second university and to a different degree. At this point you are completing two years in your current degree plan (you dislike the degree), with one year to go.

You shared that your interests and preferences are: science, particularly biology, the human body and babies, helping people making big transitions, ex. delivering babies perhaps; being surrounded by nature (vs working in an office), having a stimulating job, protecting animals, being around animals, and you are”obsessed with acting, composing, writing stories, “or something that allows me to self express myself”, wanting to be known for your work.

You are thinking of changing university a third time to a higher ranked university so that you will have a better chance to be known  for your work as a writer, or a scientist after you graduate, because people who are known for their work graduated from a well ranked university, but you are afraid of changing.

My input and advice to you:

1. If the degree you are currently studying for, having one year to  go, is very likely to allow you to be employed and earn a reasonable income, then continue in that degree, in your current university for another year and graduate best you can.

2. Your thirst to express yourself and to be seen/heard/known is strong and it reminds me of my own, at your age. This kind of thirst comes from being alone or lonely for too long, unseen, unheard, as a child and onward. This thirst cannot be satisfied by attending a higher ranked university, or by planning to … satisfy it years later- if/ when you are a published writer or an acknowledged scientist. This thirst has to be satisfied little by little today and every day.

In other words, separate your intense need to express yourself from your career choices.

I remember: I used to daydream about being famous, about performing on a stage as a dancer, or a singer, or an actress and have large audiences stand up and cheer for me, all watching me, admiring me.. it was intoxicating to imagine that because in real life no one saw me, no one heard me, no once cared to see or hear or know all that was happening inside me: thoughts, emotions, desires, hopes, dreams.

Can you relate to me?

anita