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thinking for 3 years, still can’t make a decision about what path to take

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  • #363004
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello! I’m Belle and hopefully i’m gonna get something some resolution from sharing this on the internet!

    So i’m in univeristy. I’ve always enjoyed school and never struggled with it. However i never new for sure what i wanted to do in life. I just wanted to be happy, and i always thought i would end up figuring it out. But that didn’t happend.

    I applied myself to university for physiotherapy because i thought it was safe and i enjoyed science. Although i was having a great time, went out, made a wonderful friend…i had to get out. Right from the begining i got anxious…a lot, which led me to depression. I dropped out. I got better. Although i still didn’t know what i wanted i applied the 2º time in the next year. Ended up changing univeristy and degree again after 2 months. So i’m now finishing the 2 year of this degree, have one year to finish. I dislike the degree and still am lost in what to do.

    I have to say that even though my university life hasn’t been going “rainbow and unicorns”, i have enjoyed this years until now. They have been challenging and i guess i’ve been exploring myslef, understaning myself more since i’ve finished high school. But i’ve been stuck in the same cycle of thoughts. So here is what i know, relatively to that area of my life (job/interests/passions): I’ve always been curious about the world. So i’ve always enjoyed science, and more so biology. I’m interested in protecting animals and being around them. But i don’t know if that would make me enjoy being a veterinarian. I’m interested in the human body and babies, i love the idea of helping people and be in moments of big transitions. I thought about becoming a midwife but in my country you need to become a nurse first. I love nature, being surrounded by it and feel it. I’m very into sustainability. I’m very active, so i dislike the idea of working in a office, i need a stimulating job.

    So if you think i have to many interests, take a breath. The problem is if my interests were only this above. I would have know how to make it work. The thing i’m kind of obsessed with the idea of becoming an actress, or a composer, or something that allows me to self express myself. I just want to create something in that industry, stories that show feelings and worlds. I’ve always been imaginative and really into play pretend, books. But never thought of acting until late high school, maybe. The idea of becoming an actress is great and scary. I don’t like the idea of fame but also don’t like the idea of people not knowing about my work. Also, i have a specific taste and that makes me wonder if actors should like everything.

    I keep on a cycle of thoughts that completely stresses me out. I’m scared this anxiety is staring to become a problem for my physical health as well. So i need to make a choice, but not just for the sake of making it. A choice that matches my heart. Any advice ?

    Thanks, Belle

    #363019
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Belle:

    You have a variety of interests: they don’t all have to come together in one career path. You can have a job in science/ public health (“always enjoyed science. interested in the human body and babies.. helping people”), attend an acting class (“obsessed with the idea of becoming an actress”), work part time or volunteer in an animal shelter (“interested in protecting animals and being around them”), join a hiking club (“I love nature, being surrounded by it and feel it.. I’m very active”), etc.

    My advice: don’t look for one job/ one occupation/ one career to satisfy all your interests. Instead, diversify, like I suggested above. Also, because you suffer from anxiety, have a daily routine that includes exercise, listening to guided meditations and practicing other Mindfulness exercises.

    anita

    #363096
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hello Anita!

    Thank you for your reply. That was my idea – I can be into all of it, but it doesn’t have to become work. However i still don’t know which one to take as job.

    Thank you for your advice about anxiety. Exercise is something i have noticed that makes a different for sure.

    Another question is the university ranking. I never thought about it before but now it is bothering me. I’m thinking about changing university to another with higher rank. I mean imagine i would become a writer, or a scientist (not saying that i’m going to be a famous one) but lets imagine… all of those people go to at least a well ranked university…not with a low rank. But i’m scared of changing.

    Any advice?

    #363106
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Belle:

    You shared that you applied to one university, studying physiotherapy, became very anxious and depressed, dropped out, got better, re-applied to that university for the year after. After two months you changed to a second university and to a different degree. At this point you are completing two years in your current degree plan (you dislike the degree), with one year to go.

    You shared that your interests and preferences are: science, particularly biology, the human body and babies, helping people making big transitions, ex. delivering babies perhaps; being surrounded by nature (vs working in an office), having a stimulating job, protecting animals, being around animals, and you are”obsessed with acting, composing, writing stories, “or something that allows me to self express myself”, wanting to be known for your work.

    You are thinking of changing university a third time to a higher ranked university so that you will have a better chance to be known  for your work as a writer, or a scientist after you graduate, because people who are known for their work graduated from a well ranked university, but you are afraid of changing.

    My input and advice to you:

    1. If the degree you are currently studying for, having one year to  go, is very likely to allow you to be employed and earn a reasonable income, then continue in that degree, in your current university for another year and graduate best you can.

    2. Your thirst to express yourself and to be seen/heard/known is strong and it reminds me of my own, at your age. This kind of thirst comes from being alone or lonely for too long, unseen, unheard, as a child and onward. This thirst cannot be satisfied by attending a higher ranked university, or by planning to … satisfy it years later- if/ when you are a published writer or an acknowledged scientist. This thirst has to be satisfied little by little today and every day.

    In other words, separate your intense need to express yourself from your career choices.

    I remember: I used to daydream about being famous, about performing on a stage as a dancer, or a singer, or an actress and have large audiences stand up and cheer for me, all watching me, admiring me.. it was intoxicating to imagine that because in real life no one saw me, no one heard me, no once cared to see or hear or know all that was happening inside me: thoughts, emotions, desires, hopes, dreams.

    Can you relate to me?

    anita

     

    #363130
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear Anita,

    I guess your first point is correct i’m may just finish it in that university. As your second point, i don’t really relate. I mean, i do want to do something that makes myself and family proud, just like i want to be admired. However the idea of becoming and actress or dancer becomes less appealing with the idea of fame. I dislike the idea of people knowing a lot about me, just like i dislike the idea of people watching me a lot. I don’t want them to watch me really… i went them to watch my work, and be moved by it. It’s true that sometimes i daydream but not about myself… i imagine the stories, the worlds, the characters…

    But still thank you for your advice!

    #363131
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Belle:

    I would  like to understand better, therefore I ask: you wrote that you don’t want people to watch you a lot, instead, you want people to watch your work and be moved by it, “the stories, the worlds, the characters”- you are referring to be a writer.

    But what about your obsession with being an actress- isn’t an actress being watched?

    Also, in what ways do you want people to be moved by your writing, by the stories you could write.. and have you already written stories, or have stories in mind.. what are the themes in your stories?

    anita

     

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