Dear anita

Today i just have a gathering among neighbors, and we all sit in the same table (long table). My seat is near neighbors around my age, and i dont really have a topic to talk about with them.. so i just played with my phone till the gathering ends.. During the gathering i said that the chili sauce are spicy and i just take a little to eat with the french fries and the neighbors around my age laugh… idk if its underestimating me or just laugh only… because i always stay silent around them (due to me dont know what to talk about). I really dont want them to underestimate me, as i’m already 21 now… and they are a few years older than me… i feel like if im underestimated now how will my wife’s image later on… it will be underestimated too… i really wanna talk, but i just dont know what to talk about and i dont wanna say wrong words which will destroy my image.
I really want to have new friends/connections, but i cant even talk at neighbors gathering… i feel such a low person due to this..

Even one of the neighbors who first met me, and how he acts around me now.. is so different… like now he sees me like a child…

I always try to act like an adult with new people, but it’s just that they’ll end up seeing me as a child… like they saw my weaknesses. As i look like a person who’s not independent.