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I’m so confused, what should i do

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  • #362786
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Felix:

    I didn’t notice your post right before I submitted mine. You shared that your mother often, or always tends to do things for you, so as a result you are a passive person: you don’t initiate helping with things, like frying the food during the recent barbecue event. Your neighbor, present at the barbecue, told you to “go try frying the food.. if you never try, you never know”. You felt uncomfortable when she said that. You know that your mother talks about you to people, telling then that you are passive, which is the reason the neighbor told you what she did.

    Your father is also passive: he too didn’t initiate helping with the barbecue either, and he talked to only one person during the event. As a result of this experience, and similar experiences, you want to go abroad again, as a student, and not be home with your parents.

    Well, Felix, I understand your frustration: your mother does things for you and then he complains that you are passive. You don’t feel close to either one of your parents, and I don’t think that you like either one of them.

    You do have the option of living away from your parents’ home, if not now, then later, following you planning how  to make it happen and then executing the plan. Otherwise, and before such a plan is put into action, look for ways to initiate helping out, just for the practice of it.

    anita

     

    #362825
    mabeto66
    Participant

    why you feel embarrassment for that job? the important thing is you can make money in a lawful way, be happy for that.

    #363117
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I cant live away from my parents, only maybe living in a different house when i get married later on.

    Right now my fear of being single approaches me again. I fear that i’ll stay single forever, i feel so down. To get a new person (for future girlfriend potential) i need to befriend them first, its just that my closest friends cant seem to offer me anyone new.. because they have few friends too and i have known their friends’.
    And right now is in quarantine state, and for safety reasons my parents told me to stay at home everyday (in which i wanted also because its safer), but i keep getting thoughts that when will i get a girlfriend. I’m still 21 now, but i dont want to stay calm because i dont want to regret later on…

    And also i still have this problem regarding my height, so everytime i go out i always use thick sandals/shoes to increase my height a bit. But i still feel insecure if i have to go to someone house or a place where i have to take off sandals/shoes. Well if the place have a low ceilings (like in apartment).. i still can fake my height… but if the ceilings are big i cant. How do i fake my height then… im so confused, like i wanna fake 2cm of my height.

    #363123
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Felix:

    Regarding your height: I’ve discussed hat with you plenty. I have nothing new to tell you about it. Regarding your fear that you will “stay single forever”- I suggest that you make your life as a single man as interesting and as pleasant as it can be, so that “forever” is not boring and unpleasant.

    Look for something in your life that you didn’t yet pay attention to, something interesting- something different from what you are in the habit of focusing on (height, being forever single, what your peers are thinking about you). Look around you with a “beginner’s mind”, new eyes, new ears… find something new to you.

    anita

    #363238
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Today i just have a gathering among neighbors, and we all sit in the same table (long table). My seat is near neighbors around my age, and i dont really have a topic to talk about with them.. so i just played with my phone till the gathering ends.. During the gathering i said that the chili sauce are spicy and i just take a little to eat with the french fries and the neighbors around my age laugh… idk if its underestimating me or just laugh only… because i always stay silent around them (due to me dont know what to talk about). I really dont want them to underestimate me, as i’m already 21 now… and they are a few years older than me… i feel like if im underestimated now how will my wife’s image later on… it will be underestimated too… i really wanna talk, but i just dont know what to talk about and i dont wanna say wrong words which will destroy my image.
    I really want to have new friends/connections, but i cant even talk at neighbors gathering… i feel such a low person due to this..

    Even one of the neighbors who first met me, and how he acts around me now.. is so different… like now he sees me like a child…

    I always try to act like an adult with new people, but it’s just that they’ll end up seeing me as a child… like they saw my weaknesses. As i look like a person who’s not independent.

    #363239
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Felix:

    I know you worry a lot about your image, about what people think of you, how they perceive you (“I don’t want them to underestimate me.. I don’t wanna say wrong words which will destroy my image.. he sees me like a child.. I look like a person who’s not independent”)-

    – try to focus on being who you want to be. If you want to be independent, take the actions of an independent person, for example, initiate cleaning the long table after the gathering. Try to not think about what other people think of you. Instead be who you want to be.

    anita

     

    #363240
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I try being myself, but if im being myself it’s going to be an inconsiderate and ignorant person. I dont think i’ll have a good image that way, but sometimes i feel to awkward to do something that independent person does, like you said above (cleaning long table after gathering).
    Do you think if i keep being regarded as a child, it’ll affect my chances on a girl. Or if i already got a girl, she’ll be underestimated too in your opinion?

    #363241
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Felix:

    Whenever you ask me questions regarding your obsessions with your height and getting a girlfriend- I will not answer because questions can be answered, but obsessions are never satisfied with answers.

    anita

    #363242
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I apologize if i still show obsessions regarding height and girlfriend.

    But,
    What i mean is that once i get a girl, do u think if i still regarded as a child might affect her too? Like getting underestimated too.

    I’m really not sure how to act independently in front of other people/new people. As my parents keep doing everything for me.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 3 weeks ago by Felix.
    #363244
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Felix:

    Here is what I suggest: take your time and read through all of our communication on your various threads, including this 4 page thread. You may want to copy parts of our communication (as well as your communication with other members) on a personal Word document. Study our communication, take notes, make comments for yourself about what we talked about. Learn all that you can learn.

    All that I wrote to you, I wrote repeatedly. There is nothing new that I can tell you and there is no good reason for me to repeat myself yet again when all you have to do is reread what I already wrote to you. Therefore, I am now withdrawing from your thread and will no longer reply to you. You are welcome to post anytime you want, here on this thread, or on any other thread you started or want to start. Maybe other members will reply to you. Goodbye, Felix, I wish you well!

    anita

Viewing 10 posts - 46 through 55 (of 55 total)

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