Dear Felix:

If I now understand correctly, there is a new development in your mind and heart: you are beginning to appreciate your life with your parents and with your father’s businesses, including the aquarium business- this is an excellent development and I am glad to read about it! It is very good news to me because it will be way easier for you to build on your father’s businesses than to look for a job as a beginning employee someplace else.

Yes, do appreciate your life as it is, including your family businesses. I bet there are changes you can make to the aquarium business to make it more pleasant and interesting for yourself.

Regarding having bragged/ showed off in the past about your parents’ wealth- you figure it’s the wrong behavior, you regret it and you will not repeat it, good thing. No reason to punish yourself for it. Imagine you had a child and the child bragged, if the child learned to not repeat that behavior, there is no reason to punish the child, is there?

anita

Dear Felix:

You are welcome. “bragging.. I did this to cover my embarrassment… I feel disgusted by myself why should I brag when people don’t really care… I keep blaming myself… I feel embarrassed now and keep blaming myself.. like I even shout my anger to myself. I really can’t handle embarrassment”-

Embarrassment is shame. Shame is the belief that you are inferior to others, not good enough. There is a lot of emotional pain that accompanies this belief.

Anger at yourself, blaming yourself follows the shame, it is you getting angry at yourself for your perceived inferiority.

As you found out, bragging doesn’t change shame, so don’t do that anymore. Instead, aim at healing that shame and anger at yourself. You are not inferior to others: your basic worth as a human being is the same as any other human being. You are not less-than others:

– Your height does not make you less-than others.

– Working in the aquarium business does not make you less-than others.

– Not having a girlfriend does not make you less-than others.

* Learn from your mistakes and correct them (ex., bragging- simply don’t brag anymore).

* Learn your father’s businesses and do your best in those, focus on getting better and better at it.

* When you notice that you are angry at yourself, say something kind to yourself (instead of the unkind things you’ve been saying to yourself).

* When you notice that you are feeling the pain of shame, say to yourself: my worth is the same as any other person in the world. I am not less-than. I am equal!

anita

Dear Felix:

It is good to read your first two paragraphs: you understand what is happening, excellent thinking!

Regarding what the people you bragged to are thinking, and explaining to them that you were bragging- no need for you to explain unless there is a practical reason to explain. For example, if a person you bragged to asks you to talk to your father about hiring him and paying him a large amount of money (believing that your father has way more money than he has), then explain to that person that you bragged and that you regret that you did.

But without a practical reason, don’t bother explaining that you bragged earlier. What they think about you personally doesn’t really matter, does it- I mean other people’s thoughts can’t hurt you, these are only thoughts, not actions.

Plus, just as you think a lot about.. you, other people think a lot about themselves, so you think that they are thinking about you while they are not.

anita

Dear Felix:

If you posted that photo because you look good in it, then you were not bragging about eating in a fancy restaurant. You are not responsible for the possibility that someone seeing the photo will think that you are bragging about the restaurant. Point is: you didn’t.

Your friend  that you say you hate, he gave you the wrong advice. Maybe he meant to help you but was simply wrong.

anita

Dear Felix:

You wrote post before last: “At first I feel happy to show people of this pic because I look good in there”- doesn’t this mean that you posted the pic because you wanted to show people you (your face/ body) looking good?

In your recent post you wrote: “Before I post that photo I knew that there is a possibility that people might thin I’m showing off”- but you are not responsible for what people might think. If you posted the pic because you liked how you look in it, then that was your motivation, not to brag regarding eating in the fancy restaurant.

Regarding your friend, you wrote that he likes to show off and he likes it if you show off too, and you asked me why he wants you to show off too. If he is your friend, then talk with him about the topic of showing off and bragging regarding material wealth, ask him if he likes it that you brag and if he says that he does, ask him why. Let me know how the conversation goes.

anita

Dear Felix:

Most women do want to date men who are taller than them, as far as I know. So what you observed is true (“most of girls that I know posted a video of their boys criteria, in which it’s more taller than me”).

But height is not the only criterion in the dating world, there are other criteria such as women who want to date honest men, empathetic men, intelligent men, modest men (men who don’t brag!), or in the physical arena: men who smell good, men with a nice smile, etc.. Therefore tall men get rejected when they don’t fit other criteria.

Although height does limit men who are shorter, there are other criteria that can benefit men in the dating world. Your recent post reminds me of a comedy show I watched online recently, a Trevor Noah comedy show (maybe you can find it). He was talking about being at the airport and an airport security man who was very short but so confident that he looked (the comedian’s words) as if he purposefully grew short. So that’s another criterion: the appearance of self confidence. Most women find it very attractive.

anita

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by .

Dear Felix:

“I developed a hatred towards any girls who posted anything in which saying/ stating that they prefer boys who are taller than them”- I understand how you developed this hatred, but I want to point out to you that the girls that post a height requirement regarding dating are not doing anything wrong.

I also understand your frustration with your difficulty initiating conversations with women and acting confidently. But you can make progress, little by little, very gradually and patiently.

Regarding you not feeling comfortable when not wearing shoes with 2-3 cm heels- lots of people feel more comfortable with clothes, shoes,  make up etc. that make them look better.

I wish you felt comfortable barefoot on hot summer days, so that you can enjoy a cool swimming pool though!

anita

• This reply was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by .