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I’m so confused, what should i do

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  • #362081
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Felix:

    If you didn’t present yourself as a property agent (as in stating: Felix, Property Agent), then you didn’t do anything wrong. If people will think that you are a property agent/ manager then you are not responsible for what they think.

    No matter what you ever do or not do in life, you will never be able to control what people think. Notice how quickly your own thoughts run through your mind, and how many of them do.. it is the same for other people, thoughts coming and going all day long. You can’t .. manage their thoughts. (You can study, pass an exam and become a property manager, but you can never, ever be a thoughts manager).

    Focus on your goal, which is to promote a house for sale. Focus on doing the job honestly, which means to present the house as it is, pluses and minuses, ask for a fair price for it, etc.

    You made what-are-people-thinking-about-Felix  your focus when the focus should be selling a house.

    anita

     

    #362142
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I’m trying to focus on my goals here, but it’s just that i regretted posting the promoting house advertising. I feel like i need to know what those 200 people thoughts when they see my post, i did this predicting of people thoughts whenever i post anything… to make me feel better. As one of my reasons of posting something is to show to people.

    But on that housing promotion post, i still cant stop my regret as there are one of those people who thought im an agent. I keep stressing on how the others might think of me.
    As i believe if keep getting negative thoughts by other people, i might have a bad reputation. This is what im avoiding.

    #362154
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Felix:

    “I feel like I need to  know what those 200 people thoughts..”- it’s a big headache, trying to know what 200 people are thinking.

    “I still can’t stop my regrets as.. one of those people who thought I’m an agent. I keep stressing on how the others might think of me”- I know that you worry  a lot about what other people think of you. Many people worrying a whole lot about what other people think of them. I I was one of those people, but although I still care about what others think of me, I no longer obsess about it.

    “I believe if I keep getting negative thoughts by other people, I might have a bad reputation”- the negative thoughts about yourself are your negative thoughts. You worry that other people will think what you think about yourself.

    If only you could change what you think of .. you.

    anita

    #362346
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    On daily basis i can distract myself by doing activities so i wont think of this agent problem again. But it’s just that every morning when i woke up i instantly get this thoughts again. Like every morning all my anxiety/problems will always consume my head. Idk why, i’ve been like this every morning.. like every time i woke up my mind just immediately think about my problems. Except when i dont have any problems in my head, then it wont appear

    I really need to solve this, because if i dont i could be crazy by getting this headache every morning

    • This reply was modified 2 months ago by Felix.
    #362367
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Felix:

    When the thoughts appear in your brain in the morning, don’t get scared of the thoughts. Try to view thoughts in a different way than how you viewed them so far: thoughts are mental events, invisible biochemical events that are temporary in nature. Every person has many thousands of thoughts every day, they come and go. Key is to not get scared of a thought and get stuck thinking and thinking. Key is to understand more and more that thoughts are not dangerous.

    I highly recommend that every morning (and at other times) you listen to Mark William’s “Mindfulness meditation Listening & Thoughts”. You can find it free online. Part of what he says in this meditation is to observe your thoughts as they come, stay awhile and then go, like clouds passing across the sky; your mind is like the sky, your thoughts like the clouds. The clouds come and go, but the sky remains. See thoughts as events that are rising in the mind, stay around for a while, and then dispersing. Be open to your thoughts and your emotions, whatever they are. Observe your thoughts and feelings instead of getting lost in them. When you do get lost, gently return to observing them.

    anita

     

    #362474
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I’ll try to listen the meditation you recommend.

    So here i am with another problem, in which im so confused on what should i do now. My parents wanted me to continue helping their business when i graduate, and here i am… and they never gave me a proper position for me to work. Because all of the position has already been occupied by my parents employee.. and they are in the highest hierarchy on their business. So they just gave me a job which is helping the employees.. i dont feel like doing a job when i do that..

    I always feel pathetic whenever i saw my friends posting that they are doing their own business(work). I feel so bad that i’m only helping my parents employees.. my role is not really necessary, like if im absent.. the employee could do the job because basically im just helping the employee on what they need to be helped with (i hope this doesnt sound confusing).
    I know that if i feel bad/jealous seeing my friends start their own business.. i should start one but i cant because i dont feel i can and im also supposed to help my parents business.. my parents never pushed me to overwork.. because they know that their business will eventually be mine and they just gave me that easy work so i have something to work(job) everyday.. but i always feel bad if i saw my friends posting their own business on social media.

    #362479
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Felix:

    Is helping your parents’ employees an opportunity for you to learn to do the jobs that the employees do?

    Helping the employees is not just a way to keep you busy, I don’t think. It is an opportunity for you to learn how to do their jobs.

    anita

    #362481
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    Yes i think my parents also wanted me to learn from them. Actually im quite okay with this, it’s just that when i saw my friends having their own business on social media. I keep comparing myself, like they get their own income, instead im just here helping my parents employees. Like i want a feeling of their approval on seeing me as im doing my own things (work).

    Do you think i’ve been pressuring myself too much on this?
    I’ve always been comparing myself to my friends, because this is how i keep pushing forward all this time, but at the same time i also ended feeling so much anxiety because of this

    #362482
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Felix:

    I think that your parents are wise to make it possible for you to learn the jobs done by their employees. As a successful future owner of the family business, you should be able to perform all the jobs in the business. It is therefore wise for you to take advantage if this opportunity. I am glad to read that you are “quite okay with this”.

    I wish you are able to stop comparing yourself with other people and focus on your own life, your family business, of learning from the ground up, patiently and with an attitude of humility and appreciation of what’s available to you.

    anita

     

    #362699
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I usually compare myself to “some” of my friends that i choose, because when i do this i’ll push myself forward, but sometimes i ended pressuring myself and i have a headache because of it.

    Also lately i keep having the previous thoughts again when i promote the house for sale (i mentioned on previous threads), like i keep regretting my action… i keep thinking that it would have been better if i dont post it, and i’ll have a peaceful mind right now…. i keep regretting it.. as i cant undo those people who have seen my post..

    #362701
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Felix:

    If comparing yourself to some of your friends helps you push yourself forward, but comparing yourself too much gives you a headache, then better compare yourself just a little, so to push yourself, but not too much, so that you don’t give yourself a headache.

    Same thing with regretting: regret just a little, just enough to learn something practical from what happened, but not too much, so that you suffer. You can learn to not post something that you regret having posted, make that mental note (or write it someplace) and then when you find yourself regretting too much, say to yourself: I learned something from what happened, I  made a note of it, so there is no purpose for more regret.

    anita

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 4 weeks ago by anita.
    #362770
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I’ll keep both advices above in mind.

    I recently just realized that i have a weak communication skills with someone that i just get to know. I dont know how to talk to them, except if the person is so sociable to anyone then i can talk.. because that person will start a conversation with me.

    If the person is not too sociable, i really dont know what to talk with him/her because i dont know what topic to talk, and to a person like that i’ll have difficulty to look them in the eye… i’m worried that the person might thought im arrogant.. in which im not. I just dont know what to talk about and im too shy to look in the eye. If i keep having this problem i’ll eventually have a hard time communicating for on new friends too. I usually have it easier when both of us have the same purpose then we can talk about it. But if it’s with a person that i know nothing about.. i cant… especially if its a girl. As i cant talk about her appearance right.

    #362771
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I also have a problem, in which im always a passive person because my mother tend to always do things for me.

    So today we have a barbeque with our neighbors and one of the neighbours (which is mother friend) said to me, go try frying the food.. if you never try you never know.. (she is basically trying to tell to me to learn something and not to be passive, trying to be helpful)… but im a sensitive person and i hate it when she said that in front of some people. I can fry the food though, its just that i never take the initiative to help or do something. And i hate it that my mother always babbling about me with my characteristics that im passive which lead to those words.

    This is also due to my dad, he’s also a passive person and in the barbeque he only talks to specific person, and never initiated to talk with a person who he doesnt know very well. I blame him for this… as he also doesnt initiate to help in the preparing the barbeque.
    I feel like i wanna go abroad again and study and not be here. I’m not happy like this… it’s not like they need me to help with the business right away.

    #362772
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Felix:

    “If the person is not too sociable, I really don’t know what to talk with him/ her.. I have difficulty to look them in the eye.. especially if it’s a girl. As I can’t talk about her appearance right”-

    Practice looking people in the eye- do it for a short time, here and there. Be patient, practice and after a few weeks of practicing, you will notice that it got easier.

    To appear friendly, as you look people in the eye, smile a bit, a small smile.

    When you want to say something to someone, but you don’t know what to say, ask him/ her: how are you today? It’s hot outside, isn’t it? Or you can say: it sure is hot outside, it’s nice to be inside in a hot day like this.  It is not a good idea  to talk to a girl about her physical appearance; better not talk to anyone you don’t know very well about their physical appearance- it might make them uncomfortable.

    It’s better to make “small talk” with people you don’t know, a common small talk topic is the weather. Non- small topics (to not talk about with people you don’t know): politics, religion, disease and death, bathroom habits.. anything that disgusts or embarrasses most people

    anita

     

    #362775
    Felix
    Participant

    Dear anita

    I’ll try practicing it.

    As for the second problem i mentioned above. Do you have solutions for it?

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 55 total)

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