Dear anita,

thanks for your response! I had to laugh a bit at your turtle comparison.

Yeah, after this new communication with him it was more clear than ever that we don’t fit together. How he doesn’t respond, if I write long messages and all that. It was always like that, I was trying to explain myself, but no real response! It was so frustrating. Maybe you are right and he is unable to understand my messages… We are too different!

That is why when I meet someone new, I will take my time to get to know them. I have never seen him in his everyday life,so I was not able to evaluate him and understand him. Then,because I am wired that way, I always looked for the mistake inside myself. My extreme self doubts caused me to not see clearly!

But yes, I should better not try to get into a mental discourse with him. It is a waste of time! I only get responses like “o.K. for your message”. But my message was not completely wasted, as it was important for myself. I was not able to get over my guilty feelings for not handling everything properly (I guess I am always too hard on myself). And also, because I was not in a distressed state, I was able to see that his communication style absolutely does not work for me. No matter if he can’t or doesn’t want to communicate, it doesn’t work.

About wishing him by my side, it was probably because of my loneliness. I know it was only a fantasy. If he was really by my side, it would be a completely different story and he would drive me crazy… I guess you would suggest to keep him away from my side, right? I also did not plan to go back to him and definitely not on giving him my body. As for the meeting, I was mainly seeking closure for myself. And as I knew exactly that I did not want to go back to him, I thought it would be safe and I would be able to establish my boundaries better.I guess I wanted to be overly correct and proper, to feel better about myself.

But it would likely be a waste of time as there would not be a real conversation between us and we would have very different goals for the meeting. And I think I have seen enough of him now… The last communication brought more clarity, also made it more clear that not everything was my fault… (Yes, he is what he is. And I am who I am.). So maybe I should move on for good and maybe change my number.