Dear Rachel:

Thank you for your kindness and for expressing your appreciation of me. I do value what you say and I appreciate you too.

Interesting, but not surprising to me, that she shamed you for being attracted to men while she wrote in her diary that she wanted to have sex with men.

“I feel that if someone shows any sort of kindness I owe them”- you owe yourself to not accept a person’s cruelty because that person is kind from time to time. (Imagine the cruelest person in history/ the cruelest person in recent events- sometimes that person is kind to someone).

“I must be sure not to allow her any access to me and not to torture myself by checking her social media”- I agree.

“I also hope that if I can be strong on my own I can attract a healthy partner”- we find ourselves with unhealthy people not necessarily because we attract them, but because there are so many unhealthy people around. We need to heal ourselves best we can and adequately evaluate others’ health before we get significantly involved with them.

“I would never want to date someone and possibly hurt them because I have not healed from my wounds”- I don’t think there are people who are completely healthy or completely healed. There are always wounds. Key in a relationship is to help each other heal instead of opening old wounds and creating new ones.

“I didn’t realize just how much your environment affects your mental health”- yes it does. Evaluating people, places and situations is necessary for health and healing.

anita