Hi Anita,

Hope you’re well.

So I took a long break, tried sorting things out in my head. Few things that I’m doing that is helping me on a daily basis:

– I spoke to my mom. I’d told in a previous post that I spoke to dad. In the last few days, I spoke to mom too, about it and I poured out all that I had to say, everything that I had kept in. I’d never really said it all out and it went well. She understood it, apologized, we cried together over phone and for the first time in my life, I felt something that I can’t explain. I felt I don’t know, I felt safe. I felt as if I’ve won a battle, I felt as if now I can take anything that life throws at me. I felt safer than I’ve ever felt and the feeling has persisted. I felt ‘right’ for the first time in life. I hope this will continue.

– I’ll be lying if I said I’m not having thoughts about L (my ex) anymore, however, weirdly, it’s now down to just one thought. It’s like a broken record at the back of my head going on and on. It’s this- I’ve read men on some platforms (Quora/reddit/real-life conversations) talk about their old loves from 30-40 years ago, men who say I’m happily married but a part of me still misses my ex-gf, men who say I will always think what if I had ended up with her etc etc and wonder, will he ever think of me like that or will I just be forgotten”?
I don’t know why I think this. On the positive note, I’ve stopped thinking many other thoughts, I think I’m slowly accepting things so maybe they don’t bother me anymore. Like I no longer wonder if he’ll regret leaving me. Somehow I’ve accepted that if he couldn’t see things when he was with me, it is useless for me to think that he will see things after he leaves me and it doesn’t bother me anymore. But I do still keep thinking if I’ll be his ‘one that got away’. Will I be that Anita? I don’t know, I think it’s just one of those things that you can never really know.

Rest, things are looking up. I’m on the whole feeling better, free, confident and most importantly more sure about myself and my thoughts, less constant questioning.
Not much else on my mind right now, I’ll be glad to read anything that you’d have to say about this.

Love,
Jenny