Hi Sammy,

I’m here. How are you doing? Sorry, I’ve been working from home due to new restirctions and ironically I think I work even MORE from home (to prove a point I guess) so I’ve been manic.

How are you feeling? It’s okay that you drank last night, in the sense that you cannot change what you have already done. It’s gone and beating yourself up about it will give you absolutely no benefit. None whatsoever. Except push you in to a shame spiral which may inevitably make you feel worse and want to drink even more.

Thing is you don’t need to drink, your brain just wants you to feel like you do because who wants to sit with loneliness? Who wants to sit with sad emotions? We all have crutches. I find it extremely difficult to just sit with myself, when I’m low that is. Other times I’m fine and even relish it, but when I’m low I need connection, I crave it. But I’m working on it. On trying to sit with the discomfort a little more each time. Actually I had a virtual session with my therapist this afternoon (on my break) and we talked about me expanding my capacity to feel anxious and upset or lonely or worried and sit with it a while longer. He said consistently doing this will eventually reduce its toll on me.

Start your indoor routine diary. I’ve found that I’ve not been journalling much lately and it’s having an impact. The littlest things have an impact. So get a notebook and plan tomorrow. When tomorrow comes, plan the following day and so on. I even took up knitting at one point and suduko to occupy my mind at times indoors. And remember, it sux now but this too shall pass and you won’t be cooped up like this always.

Adelaide,

To this day I might bump into an ex and still have a reaction. I don’t know, it’s just a reminder of a different time, a time that had different feelings attached to it and the memory almost makes your body relive it, like their presence leaves a lasting imprint on you which is triggered when you see them. However I also think that fades with time, so that the 4th or 5th time you bump in to them, it’s a little less each time.

I have stayed friends with exes. I don’t know how exactly, it just kind of works. They have moved on, I have moved on. They have families and stuff now so it’s not like there is ever a possibility for anything to happen again, so it works. However it depends. I’m not friends with ALL my exes. The ex who was the reason for starting this thread is not my friend. In fact, in a strange moment yesterday after zero contact, I texted him something about his parents to do with coronavirus that crossed my mind. He replied politely and also congratulated me on my new job in the city, which he had apparently heard about through the usual grapevine and that was it. I wasn’t anxious waiting for his reply, in fact, I didn’t care if he didn’t reply at all. I had no romantic feelings towards him, he is not the person I initially built him up to be in my head. He’s just…..whatever now. I don’t know if I’m just detached now or time has helped, but either way, it is what it is for now.