Heyy @anita and @Tim

I hope u both are in good health and spirit.I am done with my exam that i told u about. I did my best in my exams and i m gonna have a good score❤.

So let me answer ur thoughts abt him that u shared about in upper thread. I am copy pasting ur thoughts above and answering them.

“I couldn’t stop noticing that you wrote that the two of you sexted. Now, how can it possibly be that he allegedly never considered that you have loving feelings for him while and after sexting???””

“And, how can he possibly not have considered that you have feelings for him while he repeatedly talked to you romantically???”

I know him very well,more than anyone. I had already told u that he is a good guy. He cannot* hurt anyone .

See he said that this year when i felt like this girl is doing so much for me ,so i thought that may b she develops feelings or thinks of anything like that . So he didn’t tell me at that time but he tried to create space when he had exams. We used to talk aftr a week ,on weekends jst. He thought that if there were any feelings so it could end by this space .If he wanted all this to happen ,to develop my feelings for him intentionally,he would never have created that space too.

Next thing is that he had in his mind was that how can she develop feelings for me when she knows that i have a gf.

And abt those talks he only thought of me as his friend,bcz at that time he had in his mind was that it’s okay to talk with a close friend like this.I think he took this idea from movies or friends that love is always in the heart.I know what he did was wrong after all his thoughts which had been wrong too.He didn’t have a mindset. I think he wasn’t mature enough to think abt the outcomes.

Even he said that i used to call u as “friend Forever” repeatedly..which he thought it means think of nothing else,which i know is wrong ,it doesn’t mean that.He had his own perspectives which were wrong.

I know he would never do this to anyone.He don’t even know why he did all this. But one thing is that his intentions are pure ,he never wanted to hurt me or anyone out there.

“You told him in detail about how much pain you were in all these years, and –> he managed to turn it to how much pain he is feeling now- because you told him.”

Now he keeps saying that show me a way. By which i could mend ur heart,and stop all this hurt ,and that i don’t carry All this guilt with myself forever. He keeps asking again and again to show me a way.

”no way your emotions were not evident to another human being with minimal emotional intelligence.” What do u mean by this?

“He talked to you romantically because he felt that you were receptive for such talk, receptive because you had feelings for him.” He talked to me like this bcz we were like too close ,like he never have talked like this with his gf,but me. We both got comfortable talking like this. I thought he had feelings and he thought It’s okay to talk with a close frnd like this jst bcz we aren’t doing it in real.

” if you had only him on your mind and heart, can you see that the type of love you have for him (“I love”) is different from the type of love he has for his girlfriend (“he loves”).. can you see that he doesn’t have only her on his mind and heart?”

He loves her and i can see that for the efforts he does for her and how badly he gets affected when she does something wrong and isn’t listening to him. It’s like he gave loyalty* another meaning ,a meaning of his own.(which was wrong and he couldn’t find it out unless i opened up my story).

“an attachment like the one you have for him is about you being very lonely otherwise, not being securely attached to anyone else. I am guessing that you don’t feel connected and understood by anyone in your family, or by friends, and the only one you feel connected/ attached to- is this 21 year old young man.”

it’s not abt getting lonely.. Yes i shared abt everything just to him,bcz i called him my closest frnd. I have other close frnds too but i don’t want to open up myself to them the way i did to him .Bcz he was also less judgmental. And that i think a private life is better. What people don’t know, they can’t ruin. And i hate when someone share my secrets with another. He never did this. He understood me better. He is an understanding guy. Therefore i felt more comfortable with him than anyone else. I have a good close frnd who i can share all this with but now i don’t like to share my stories with anyone. I have always regretted for it in past.

“If you become attached to someone else, then you have the option of ending your attachment to him.”

I would never like to get attached to someone ever. I can’t hurt myself and break myself to this extent ever again .

It’s all a matter of time and i m sure God will help me through this.

But one thing is that i don’t know how to take all this out frrom myself ..i Have been absorbing all these years and now i can see the results ,the damage it caused me by absorbing all this. How should i take it out from me??it mentally is draining me.

-Lula