Dear Ronald:

You are welcome. You shared that you are unsure about whether you are interested in a relationship, or not, and that you are “a person who has always feared change”, a person who “would like everything to be the same”. You now feel sad and depressed because of the most recent change in your life: your best friend considering having a girlfriend, which would mean that he would have less time for you (“our friendship will not be the same”).

My input/ question today: we all need sameness in our lives so to feel relative safety in that sameness. This is why it is so important for anxious people to have a daily routine, so to keep the sameness going. I am wondering if your need for sameness is very strong, so much so, that you keep yourself away from discovering more of life, from experiencing life at times as an adventure.

I am wondering if as a child, you had too little positive attention, too little comfort, maybe you were alone too much of the time, feeling lonely. Any truth to my wondering?

anita