Dear Lily:

Responding to your yesterday’s post: I know that your experience with the dormitory man hurt you a lot. You wrote: “What makes me sad is that this was my first experience with a man”- you are not alone in this because my first experience with a man was not better than yours. Like you were at the time, I too was very shy and had a very low self esteem. It took an aggressive rapist, for no better term, to force himself through my shy resistance and take advantage of me. I am sure that you and I are not the only ones who were taken advantage this way.

“I was wrong in saying this behaviour is normal in his culture. There, he wouldn’t even be allowed to have premarital sex.. I think the problem was this individual”- I think it is the individual and the culture. Part of some cultures is to excuse men having premarital sex, but judge women harshly for the same.

“I think that I made progress.. I now value myself more”- yes you have made progress and I am glad you value yourself more.

Regarding your father being so aggressive, “to destroy the bad parts in himself?”- what people criticize about others (the outer critic) is what they criticize about themselves (the inner critic). The outer critic and the inner critic are two sides of the same coin.

Regarding your most recent post- I am fine, came back from my walk in the cold yet sunny day. Good to read that you were productive today, that your grandmother received the parcel you sent her, sounding genuinely happy, and that it made you feel good, and that your neighbor gave you a Christmas present, and that you had a good talk with your parents on the phone.

M E R R Y     C H R I S T M A S,   L I L Y

anita