Dear Ryan;

You are welcome. So dinner is Thursday night and you will post Friday to share about it. I am looking forward to that.

You shared in your recent post about a relationship you had many years ago, with a very attractive, young woman who was a tenant at the apartment complex where lived in Texas, who had family and friends close by, “whom she was very close to”,  a “seemingly old soul”. While the two of you shared “moments of intimacy- both sexual and non-sexual- she always kept those walls up and never really let me in. She would disappear for days at a time, only to resurface like it was no big deal”. You “grew weary of the relationship. The up and down and back and forth”, she moved out of your apartment complex and “grew more reclusive”, and the two of you grew more distant.

One night, when you returned home from a date, you found a message from her saying that she missed you and wished she could talk to you. You figured that you would call her back “in a day or two”, but the next day, “she was dead. A self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head. A suicide on her 20th birthday”. You were gutted and racked with guilt, “What if I called her back that night?”. That and other experiences caused you to shut down, to fortify your own walls, “This somewhat explains why I am still without a long-term partner as I move towards my mid-40s”-

– if you would like to discuss that relationship and experience further, now or later, let me know.

Regarding the woman we’ve been discussing, you wrote: “I too do not tolerate grey areas. This relationship has seemed to exist in that realm from the beginning and that has certainly caused me some anxiety.. I will just have to get some grey areas colored and accept them for what they may be”-

– If you (1) let her know that you need color in your grey areas so to feel better/ to lessen your anxiety/ to experience more peace of mind, and you (2) gently ask her to color your grey areas best she can, then as a friend, she owes you to do her best in this regard.

anita