Well he cheated on me, he flirted with that girl and that girl came into our house knowing that I exist. I was at the office every single day so he managed to do this. He says that he was only trying to ‘feel something’. It didn’t work and I just tried to get some attention. He says that he was not sincere at all. Although he is on another medication and he was asleep the whole time. I sneaked into his phone after he slept just to send myself the number of the old psychologist of his, and then I snapped. I read everything and then woke him up. He couldn’t do anything much and tried to make me sleep as well, trying to delay the talk for later when he is not under influence of some medications.

I honestly don’t know what to do, I feel sad about him and me. If I want him to move out, then I’ll be feeling upset about him living in someplace worse, crashing at a sofa somewhere or smt like that. I will be missing him too much, I sometimes saw him like a caregiver to me, he behaved like this. But other than that, I’ll be a complete wreck tomorrow at my shift since it’s way past my bedtime and he sleeps very well, I guess. It’s because of the medications, though.

I don’t know, I cannot even tell this to my friends. I don’t know what to do. I feel like I must look for some self-respect. My fears, abandonment issues are all freaking out and fighting with the self-respect. I even got a box Valentine’s Day gift for him today and planned this dinner thing in my head. I feel, Idk, burnt out. I feel empty, shocked, I’ve been cheated on before. Several several times, but the thing is, I feel bad because he was able to care for her. I guess he just played her, so that might not be a real intimacy at all. I have absolutely no idea what to do at this point, I would chose to just stay in bed and sleep for days and not decide for a while. But I have to get up in 3 hours and try to make my eyes look better because of all the swelling crying will cause.