@NBC sorry mate about the delay, I’ve been incredibly busy. I had a read and it is great you seized the opportunity to finally seek answers and gain some closure for yourself.

No offense but searching up and simulating prompts into why he put ‘love’ instead of ‘live’ in his response is a tad obsessive? Don’t do that to yourself! It’s a slippery slope.

I think although you state you are over him, I can sense you are still looking for some glimmer of hope. That may be more to do with the feeling of rejection than actually wanting to reconcile though.

Before I offer my perspective I’ll just state, when a man decides he really wants a woman he will move mountains to be with her. I did for ‘B’ and she rightly only took me back when I proved through my actions I was serious.
In any relationship that’s what you should demand, have the self respect and worth to know you deserve more than breadcrumbs. Men will respect you more.

I can’t fault Sammy’s insight, it is on the money mostly.

In ref to the points you wanted a male perspective on. I’m probably going to break bro code here but here goes.

A reason maybe this didn’t work out is the physical attraction wasn’t there for him. Men are visual so unfortunately unless mature and evolved most men prioritise this aspect. But if he was very hands on with you , flirting and chemistry present then I doubt this is the reason. It would take an unhinged person to fake all that just for sex.

But that brings me to my next point, if physical or sexual attraction is present then underdeveloped males can be incredibly fickle and can lose interest quickly if sex isn’t on the table for them as they know woman at this stage have the power. So that could be one reason he lost interest.

I’m not saying give sex to a guy, quite the opposite the fact you didn’t have sex is actually a good thing. I know I respect a woman more when she isn’t easy and is selective but if a man only has that as his goal for you he will definitely lose interest fast! Sad facts!

I doubt he thought you were promiscuous, you didn’t even have sex. However, he may think that about you out of anger or feel not enough himself if you are very attractive and he is insecure. I.e. Old Danny conjured up all sorts of negative false scenarios. I at one point believed egged on by the lads, ‘B’ was cockteasing and playing me.

I’m not supporting his actions, what he did was wrong but I personally think if you want a deeper understanding of men, reducing it down to “he just wasn’t into you” will not help.  Men have emotions sometimes due to our lack of emotional regulation and intelligence we mess up.

Just to give you some insight you will be shocked at how often us men appear outwardly confident but are actually deeply insecure. We often want the emotional connection and to also feel safe. However because we are not accustomed to that support when we get it, we feel internally something is off.

I believe you two experienced that emotional connect and that isn’t easy to achieve. He probably can’t see it yet but trust me he will one day.

Instead typically what has played out is the woman who is good and offers emotional support, somehow attraction becomes dampened because we feel emasculated further.

These type of men often are very attentive and kind but always end up wanting a woman who treats them mean or aggressively. However they are never happy, take note this has NOTHING to do with you , but deep seated issues either in form of mummy issues or from previous relationship experience.

I was one of them types, but Sammy is right unfortunately not many men are willing to change or look inwardly. If you try to be with them thinking you’ll change them let me tell you, you’ll always lose.

You were always going to lose, it is clear as day your B hasn’t grown, he offered no real accountability.

The fact he met you although no consolation does mean he likes you. Maybe he thought you were marriage material and he wanted casual flings as distraction. Who knows?!

Him mentioning he has a girlfriend may be the truth and he wanted to avoid awkwardness, on the flip side it can also be game playing to see if it evokes jealousy and to get you to admit any remaining feelings first, form of control. It is what insecurity does to you. You constantly feel the need to protect oneself or have the upper hand. Childish really, but not beyond a man if he’s insecure.

If he is thinking you are under his spell he will no doubt get an ego boost. Women are often desired but men on the other hand face rejection a heck of a lot more. So often men who need this kind of validation keep options or women on back-burner when down on their luck.

Which brings me to the next point you were most likely an option.

That is what you need to be wary of. If he has a change of heart, be sure it’s because he wants a serious commitment.

Not many men do what I did, I only contacted and reinserted myself in ‘B’s’ life when I was sure of what I needed and wanted and who i was. It took a lot of growth.

You seem to have got a lot out of it,  so it is heartening to see he hasn’t destroyed your faith in men entirely. Although no sex took place let me tell you as men we are very deprived of being able to open up and feel heard. We don’t have what you women have. So even though you didn’t get the relationship let me reassure you the reason why he remembers you is because you touched him emotionally, that can be better than sex!

Who he is with or what he is doing is no longer your concern. Don’t put your energy into those thoughts, re focus on your own needs and find your next adventure.

I think most women whilst us men are avoiding the truth, look inwardly very much like Sammy has. There comes a point they have grown so much they don’t look back and want much better for themselves. I only got ‘B’ because I proved through my actions I was better version.

You don’t need to wish for a fixer upper, you can go out and get the finished product!

He clearly has a lot of soul searching needed but I wouldn’t count on it happening. The issues in his relationships caused by him are not just applicable to his relationship but in his life as a whole. Until he sees that and cuts out the things harming him he will never change.

My honest advice to you is the lack of accountability is your answer. He said sorry (people pleasing) but didn’t take ownership of his actions and address that himself. Move forward and live a fulfilled life.

He will continue to avoid his issues like most men and even if he is in a new relationship, sooner or later it will crack. You can run but not hide forever from your demons.

Final point, us men are actually very visual so we are more likely to fall in love at first sight (infatuation) real love i have learned is never a rapid flame or sparks, it is a slow burn. I didn’t even realise I was falling in love with ‘B’ in the first 6 months until one casual day I realised I really love this woman and who I am with her, I found myself instinctively caring about her wanting to be her shoulder to lean on etc (see my previous posts).