Dear Star9Concepts:

“I just need help trying to make sense of all this mess”- I will try to help you making sense of it. A retelling of your story first, with quotes:

You met him in the spring of 2019, he was “super nice, funny, and genuinely seemed to want to spend time with (you)”, told you often that you were “perfect and that he didn’t deserve someone like (you), that (you were) the kind of girls guys dreamt about having in their life”, but left you at a bar stranded one time, “to go hang out with another girl”. He apologized for it a lot, and “things were really good” after that, he seemed indeed to genuinely want to spend time with you, texting you a lot and finally crashing at your place five days a week. He then got a job in a different state and moved there, promising that the two of you “would figure things out” and “get through this as he hoped to move back after a year”.

About two months after he moved away, he texted you less, and you found out that “2 other girls had drove out there just to ‘hang out'” with him, and that a girl who worked with him moved in to his place “as a ‘roommate'”. The “roommate” sent you “screenshots of all their conversations with him declaring his love for her and all that crap”.

Recently he told you that “he wanted to love (you), that he had tried, but just couldn’t”, and since then “he will act like nothing ever happened”. You still want him in your life, “even if he doesn’t feel the same way”. You wrote: “any other time in my life I would have slammed the door behind me but for some reason I just can’t seem to do that. I’ve never had this strong of a connection”.

And now, my effort to make sense of all this mess: you believe that he didn’t just hang out with the two girls who visited him in the other state, that’s why you placed hang out in quotation marks, “hang out”. You also believe that the third girl was not a mere roommate, that’s why you placed roommate in quotation marks. You have proof that he declared his love for his “roommate”. You know, and he admitted that at the beginning of the relationship he left you stranded at a bar to hang out with another girl.

Seems to me that he is not a monogamous type and that he is not trying to be. He genuinely enjoyed being with you.. and with other women, at different times. When he said that he tried to love you but couldn’t, maybe he meant that he tried to love only you, but couldn’t.

For him, women may be something like desserts: he loves all kinds. A cheese cake is good for as long as it is good, but then.. got to try that cake with the chocolate frosting.. he is full for a while, but after a few hours, he has room for that delicious looking cookie, and so forth.

Can it be this simple?

anita