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He said he tried/wanted to love me

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  • This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 3 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • #376198
    Star9Concepts
    Participant

    So I met this guy back in spring of 2019 at an event my company was helping sponsor at his worl1 (he worked for a local harley-davidson dealership)

    He annoyed me at first with his “future ex-girlfriend” comments, but after a month or so I agreed to partake on a benefit ride with him. After that I was pretty much hooked. He was super nice, funny, and genuinely seemed to want to spend time with me. We did end up having a major hiccup at the beginning when he left me at a bar to go hang out with another girl and left me stranded there to find a ride back to my car.. needless to say I was done at that point but after 2-3 days of constant apologizing and listing the waya he messed up, he asked for a 2nd chance which I decided to give.. after that things were really good. He would text all throughout the day asking when we could hang out again, Bringing me lunch and making fun plans for things to go do, and after a month or 2 he was practically crashing at my place 5 days a week.

    We found out 3 months afterwards that he had been accepted for a management position at another dealership in North Carolina. I was the first one he told and hated that I was so hurt over it. He promised we would figure things out and that we would get through this as he hoped to move back after a year.

    He never was one for “labels” but I felt the need to ask where exactly we stood since he was going to be so far away. I have been through many mentally and physically abusive relationships in the past so I like a little reassurance from time to time.

    Everything was great for the first couple of months but then the texts slowed down a lot and shortly afterwards I found out 2 other girls had drove out there just to “hang out” and when I asked him about it he denied it and said I was overreacting. He even had a girl that worked with him move in his house as a “roommate” that he never once told me about until she sent me screenshots of all their conversations with him declaring his love for her and all that crap. (Which of course he denied as well)

    I am extremely close with his parents and love them dearly and they were also shocked about his behavior.  Fast forward a year and things are still about the same. I’m still asking where we stand and it’s the same response of “you should know, so you don’t need to keep asking” yet at this point, we hadn’t had sex in almost 10-11 months and when I brought that up he would get annoyed with me.

    I finally got fed up with everything and he drove in to pick up the rest of his belongings from my house and stated that “he wanted to love me, that he had tried, but just couldn’t” and that really destroyed me and currently still does. He would always tell me that I was perfect and that he didn’t deserve someone like me, that I was the kind of girl guys dreamt about having in their life… yet tells me I am unlovable..

    Since then he will act like nothing ever happened and I’m trying to be the bigger person bc I still really do care a lot about him. I’m just so lost bc I dont want to not have him in my life, even if he doesn’t feel the same way, but how can you say something like that to someone and still expect them to be there knowing they still care… any other time in my life I would have slammed the door behind me but for some reason I just can’t seem to do that. I’ve never had this strong of a connection, even as one sided as it is. I just need help trying to make sense of all this mess.

    #376212
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Star9Concepts:

    “I just need help trying to make sense of all this mess”- I will try to help you making sense of it. A retelling of your story first, with quotes:

    You met him in the spring of 2019, he was “super nice, funny, and genuinely seemed to want to spend time with (you)”, told you often that you were “perfect and that he didn’t deserve someone like (you), that (you were) the kind of girls guys dreamt about having in their life”, but left you at a bar stranded one time, “to go hang out with another girl”. He apologized for it a lot, and “things were really good” after that, he seemed indeed to genuinely want to spend time with you, texting you a lot and finally crashing at your place five days a week. He then got a job in a different state and moved there, promising that the two of you “would figure things out” and “get through this as he hoped to move back after a year”.

    About two months after he moved away, he texted you less, and you found out that “2 other girls had drove out there just to ‘hang out'” with him, and that a girl who worked with him moved in to his place “as a ‘roommate'”. The “roommate” sent you “screenshots of all their conversations with him declaring his love for her and all that crap”.

    Recently he told you that “he wanted to love (you), that he had tried, but just couldn’t”, and since then “he will act like nothing ever happened”. You still want him in your life, “even if he doesn’t feel the same way”. You wrote: “any other time in my life I would have slammed the door behind me but for some reason I just can’t seem to do that. I’ve never had this strong of a connection”.

    And now, my effort to make sense of all this mess: you believe that he didn’t just hang out with the two girls who visited him in the other state, that’s why you placed hang out in quotation marks, “hang out”. You also believe that the third girl was not a mere roommate, that’s why you placed roommate in quotation marks. You have proof that he declared his love for his “roommate”. You know, and he admitted that at the beginning of the relationship he left you stranded at a bar to hang out with another girl.

    Seems to me that he is not a monogamous type and that he is not trying to be. He genuinely enjoyed being with you.. and with other women, at different times. When he said that he tried to love you but couldn’t, maybe he meant that he tried to love only you, but couldn’t.

    For him, women may be something like desserts: he loves all kinds. A cheese cake is good for as long as it is good, but then.. got to try that cake with the chocolate frosting.. he is full for a while, but after a few hours, he has room for that delicious looking cookie, and so forth.

    Can it be this simple?

    anita

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