Dear Felix,

first thing I’ve noticed, not just now but in at least one previous occasion too, is that you send your replies extremely quickly. Ten minutes after I posted you already sent a pretty long response. It’s a similar pattern to what I described earlier: someone gives you a suggestion, and you immediately swing it back, like a ball, explaining why this suggestion doesn’t work for you, or repeating more of the same problem. Now you haven’t done exactly that, you did reflect and comment on what I’ve said, but it feels like you’re rushing to give a response. You don’t allow yourself to really hear it, to reflect on it, but you immediately shoot it back.

This can be one manifestation of your inability to receive – receive advice, help, or perhaps receive love as well. In order to receive it, you’d need to slow down, and perhaps there’s fear of what you might find within if you do slow down. You said you feel empty, and also that you’re ashamed and embarrassed, and that you have low self-esteem, although you aren’t shy to e.g. talk to girls. That’s possible because we might have self-confidence (because we’re good at presenting, selling, doing sports etc), but we still might lack self-esteem and self-worth – because that goes deeper, to the core of our being.

I believe your feeling empty has to do with the lack of self-esteem and self-worth. You don’t believe there’s anything worthy in there. That’s why it’s also hard for you to slow down and listen to your inner voice. It’s cool that you meditate, but I am figuring there’s still some disconnect there.

One way you can connect with yourself is to close your eyes, put one hand on your heart and the other on you belly, and breathe, and feel your belly rise and fall as you breathe. It’s a hug of sort, where you feel yourself, accept yourself and comfort yourself at the same time. Try it if you’d like.

I could go on, but would first like to ask your opinion about what I’ve wrote, and whether you have received it.