Dear Ishita,

I am sorry you feel hurt and betrayed. You were hoping that he has feelings for you, and it turns out he was just “unintentionally” crossing boundaries. What might have happened is that he felt bad after his break-up, alone and hurt, and he needed someone to make him feel better. And that someone was you.

It’s almost like in a rebound relationship, where the person is still very much emotionally attached to their ex and use the new partner to make them feel better, or sometimes even to make the ex jealous, or suchlike. Yours wasn’t a full-on relationship but it appears he was using you to feel better after the break-up. This is very revealing:

I was again struggling with being vulnerable around him, but he couldn’t notice that exactly, because he was mostly more into his life.

Yes, it appears he was focused only on himself and didn’t care about your feelings. He might have led you on on purpose or accidentally (although I think he was probably aware that you’re developing feelings for him, and maybe that’s why he started playing cold). Anyway, it’s good that you confronted him and asked to clarify his intentions. And I know it hurts that he basically rejected a relationship with you, but at least you know where he stands and what you can expect from him.

I see you’re having a hard time accepting it, though, and believe that he does have feelings for you but isn’t admitting it:

BUT SOMEWHERE I FEEL HE DID HAVE FEELINGS FOR ME JUST THAT HE IS NOT CONFESSING IT.

He might have had feelings for you in the sense of feeling good in your presence, enjoying your attention and flirting after he was dumped by his girlfriend, taking his mind off of the break-up etc. He felt good in your company, perhaps your relationship was like a welcome distraction for him, but it doesn’t mean he wanted to get serious with you. As you yourself noticed, “he was mostly more into his life.” Meaning, his motives very pretty selfish.

I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS THE RIGHT THOUGHT, BUT SOMEWHERE I AM STILL HOPING HE WILL COMEBACK TO ME , WITH THIS REALISATION.

I don’t think you should hope that he’d come back. Although it’s painful to think that he’s just used you to feel better about himself, it’s probably what happened here. And it would be better for you to accept it, no matter how painful, and to move on. It doesn’t mean that you’re in any way lesser-then or not good enough, it’s just that he isn’t a good candidate. He gave you hope, he used you, and then he backed off.

The best thing you can do is to feel angry about him for a while (as you are now), but then to accept it that it’s for the best, because you don’t want to be with someone selfish or deceptive like he is. And to move on, loving yourself even more than before this entire episode happened.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Tee.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by Tee.