Dear Anita,

I am not even sure if I want to see him again in person. I love him, but his behaviour is messy. I know he feels something too – I am not stupid. But he is looking for simply pleasures – such as sex and drugs.

He started a fire inside of me, something that is burning even after a month and a half – we “oficially met” at the end of February. But we were seeing each other since I was 15 on every second party – he is from the same town as I am.

We had really intense conversation about our life storylines, favorite books and movies, drug and psychosis experiences (he has schizophrenia). We talked about life and death. About purpose and legacy. But we were on drugs. Metamfetamin.

We were texting like for next two weeks, and he suddenly blocked me everywhere. FB, Instagram,.. And after 5 days he just send me a message saying: “give me your number, I’ll call you”.

It was my last day of work that day.

He started a fire, massive explosion of emotions nobody did before and then he left.

I am going for a rehab in.. about one month from today. I need a big restart. It will take 3 months, but I am clean from everything except CBD and non-alcoholic beer.

Maybe it was not his intention to hit me so hard and change everything around me, but he did it.

I quit my job, slowly losing my apartment, my cat, my friends. Only because one person.

This is definitely not healthy type of relationship.