Dear sossi:

“I’m just writing for the sake of getting rid of these powerful emotions”- for as long as expressing your emotions here brings you some relief, please post again anytime!

I understand you being upset about this man listing his real estate properties with another real-estate agent while you were his girlfriend at the time and a real-estate agent. I imagine that would upset anyone in that situation position.

You wrote that you dated him for about seven years, and that those seven years were “tempestuous.. erratic and chaotic”. (Tempestuous means “stormy.. characterized by violent emotions or actions”, an online definition). When he left you the first time, you were “completely distraught, suicidal and suffered immensely”. Later on you got back together and that’s when this other woman, a real-estate agent, came along, listing his properties and moving in with him. You then “went and confronted the woman who had moved into his house with her young son.. so upset”. Most recently, a few hours after you and the man “talked easily”, you sent him “several angry texts and said I never want to see or hear from him again”.

You shared that from an early age, you learned that if you gained/ accomplished something important, people got jealous and took away from you whatever it was that you gained. If you were happy, and people were able to see that you were happy, they got jealous and took away your happiness. Because of this pattern, you’d sometimes say self deprecating things so that people will not be jealous of you and take away your happiness. “When I am feeling successful and confident and beautiful, when it feels like it is radiating out of me.. that is dangerous, because bad things happen, I attract unhappy comments, unhappy people who feel it’s unfair somehow”.

You gave a few examples of this pattern above, one example: when your sister had a birthday and you were there at the occasion with your ex, you wrote this: “I was in a really happy state, I felt I was shining”, she noticed your happiness and took it away. Another example: a few years ago, you “achieved something amazing”, your first home renovation, but your mother did not want to come see it, and when she finally did, she “seemed sulky and attributed the success to her suggestions”.

“I realise that a lot of my life has been just so hard.. maybe there is a medical reason, autism?.. there are always problems, hardships, mostly jealous people and very few moments where I enjoy myself. Friendships seem to be bonded mainly on difficulties and injustices done, not by positives like sharing a hobby or interest.. Is this my fault? How can I change? Should I move? How can I stop letting people hurt me? Why am I attracted to witty and entertaining people only to find them mocking me and making fun that turns into hurtful cruelty? is the only solution to drop them and then be alone? That is what I am now, just alone”.

You asked many questions and I will be glad to take time with you, trying to answer these questions together. It will take some time of back and forth communication. I will start by the following exploration:

Would you say that it is true or partly true that you suffer from the following: (1) a long-term pattern of unstable and chaotic relationships, alternating between seeing the man as wonderful and then, seeing him as terrible, (2) intense or uncontrollable emotional reactions, rapidly shifting between different emotional states, (3) disturbed sense of identity/ self image, from thinking of yourself as very worthy and capable to thinking of yourself as very unworthy and incapable, (4) impulsive behavior, (5) chronic feelings of emptiness?

Another question, if I may: you wrote that your ex was “difficult, demanding”, and later, that your work colleague was “being demanding”- can you elaborate on how the two were demanding?

anita