Hello,

This is challenging for me to write about because I feel like it’s a trivial complaint compared to what some people are going though, but it’s a situation I am really struggling with. I have been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years. We have a great relationship. We are respectful of each other, our families, our friends. etc. When we met, we both worked good jobs and had active lifestyles outside of work. After about 2 yeas of dating, we decided we would both quit our jobs and move to his home country for about a year and spend some time traveling together. In March of 2020 we both left our jobs, sold everything including houses, cars, etc. However, 1 week before we were supposed to leave, COVID shut down the world and we could not travel to his home country (South Africa). I was fortunate that my job allowed me to stay on and work on a month to month basis remotely. So we traveled the US a bit, spent some time with my family, and explored some other states to live in. Ultimately, we decided to come back to where we met because SA borders are still not freely open. I maintained my job the entire time we were moving around and I’ve continued to grow in my career. He stated trading stocks and has been very successful at it. He has always had a relaxed approach to life and has held good contract jobs and then taken time off, only working when he needed money. He is happy with this lifestyle and by no means does he need anyone’s help financially.  Once we came back to our “home” state, we moved in together. Again, we are very compatible and happy. What I am struggling with is what I see as a lack of purpose in his day to day. I feel bad putting it that way, but I don’t know how else to say it. He get’s up in the morning, surfs, trades stocks, cooks meals, helps around the house, etc. Things most people would do anything for in a partner! I am currently working from home and I have a pretty demanding job, I am taking an online course, and I am very active in a few workout clubs. Because my days are packed and I feel I am constantly working on myself, learning new things, growing in my career, etc. I get annoyed by his laid back contentment. Or perhaps I am jealous? I know very much so that I enjoy being busy and challenged so it’s not the free time I am jealous of, but perhaps his ability to be happy without always striving for more, more, more?

Anyhow, we discussed having kids and overall I would say be are both happy in our relationship. But this underlying feeling of being annoyed because he’s just hanging out all day is eating at me. I am not supporting him financially so I don’t really feel like I have a right to bring it up to him. Or maybe I just don’t know how. Maybe I just need someone to tell me to worry about myself and not him:) The thing is he seems happy and when I ask he says he is. I just know I would feel lost and like I didn’t have a purpose if I didn’t have responsibilities day to day. I also realize everyone is different but this is my partner and I really beleive in surrounding yourself with others that inspire you and make you a better person. Perhaps that is exactly what he is doing, and I hope I am doing the same for him. But at the  same time, I want to have kids with someone that has a deep work ethic and sets that example and I am not sure I am seeing that in this relationship. Anyhow, any advise or perspectives, or questions are welcome and I though maybe getting this out on paper would help me process it as well. Thank you.