Dear noname:

“it is still a very real possibility that my life could stay exactly how it is, with good friends but no intimacy”- I agree, it is a very real possibility (but not the only real possibility).

As to the solutions to this very real possibility, you wrote: “the sadness seems to kick in harder when I start thinking about solutions, feels hopelessly out of my control”-

– that may be why you randomly cry (“had another random crying episode on the way home”): like a child who is experiencing a problem/distress but feels hopeless to solve it, crying so to get the attention of an adult who is able to solve the problem for the child.

“I’m just curious how to be alone and process sadness?”- continuing the thought above: maybe accept, radically accept, as the term goes, thoroughly accept that there is no one else there with you to solve your problem of loneliness, no one to see you cry and help you.

anita