Dear noname:

In my sentence: the meaning/ benefit is in your child-like cognitive understanding of your pain, of its origin, of where it’s coming from- I meant, like you suggested, that you will experience way less pain of being alone when you understand that you were good enough as a child, good enough to be loved. Much of the pain you experience is about wrongly believing that you were (and still are) not good enough.

If you  believe that you were (and still) good enough to be loved, then being alone will not feel like a destiny and an eternity. Instead, being alone will have a temporary feel to it, as in: right now I am alone (as opposed to: I am forever alone).

“I think I can take the pain and avoid the suffering if I can avoid the selfish desires to escape through women, drugs, and other thrills I chase”- for as long as you believe that you are not good enough to be loved, you can’t escape pain and suffering because believing this means that you will forever be unloved.

Here is a 2 case scenarios to illustrate my point: (1) you hurt your shoulder because you lifted something heavy the wrong way. You put ice on it, then a heat pad, then ice again, you take an anti-inflammatory medication, you rest- it is all uncomfortable, you feel pain, then you feel better, then pain again, but you know that it is temporary. You may feel sad, but also resourceful (doing what it takes to heal) and hopeful that soon enough the pain will not be there anymore,  (2) you hurt your neck and shoulder in a terrible accident, having to go through surgeries, and the prognosis is a life time of significant pain. You feel pain and you know that it’s a life-time sentence. You know there is nothing you can do to heal, so you feel helpless to stop the pain and you feel hopeless and depressed.

When you are unloved and alone and you believe that you are not good enough to be loved, it is like the 2nd scenario (you feel helpless, hopeless and depressed). When you are unloved and alone and you believe that you are good enough to be loved, it’s like the 1st scenario (you may feel sad, but also resourceful and hopeful).

anita