Dear TeaK

Thank you for ur advices and for analyzing my situation. By reading your explanation… and after a few days.. i’m feeling better.

As what you said here:

“And as a birthday wish, I wish you to be kind on yourself, don’t beat yourself up, forgive yourself if you make a mistake. And in the meanwhile, please take my advice on doing something that will give you a sense of accomplishment. Either at home, or at your father’s company, or you might be lifting some weights, or do any other sports – whatever it is to give you the sense that you’re making progress and accomplishing something.“

=Thank you for saying that i shouldnt beat myself up… i guess you are right… i blame myself too much… but it’s just my personality… i keep doing something which i will regret it (like posting on social media). Like if i post it or not.. both choices will make me feel regret.
I will take ur advice that u said this is the cause of low self esteem… and i will try to do something that will give me a sense of accomplishment.

But there is still one issue, i cant take off this regret that i used to brag about myself in the past… as a person who hates pressure.. i shouldnt have done that.. as bragging will lead to more pressure on me. If i didnt post that time i will be feeling no pressure right now. Also i cant analyze how most people who saw me bragging on my insta stories are thinking….

I really regret making myself stand out, im trying to make myself less stand out now and have people forget about my bragging but i dont think it’s possible.

And i used to brag like that to impress acquaintances that i’m not close with… its just so so wrong. I feel like i shouldnt impress those kind of people, in which i dont feel comfortable whenever i talk to those kind of people.

Actually i also do this bragging to impress girls, i thought girls might see a plus point in me even though im short. Then i realized, that before i brag about my wealth, there are few girls who’s attracted to me in the past…. at that moment when i realize, i shake my head with regret… like i shouldnt have done this.

Right now, im really trying to myself going in the right path… like i dont wanna do it for anybody else or try to impress others by forcing myself to do something that i dont even like.