Dear miyoid,

I didn’t know those details about your sister, e.g. that she’s 11 years older and that she went to boarding school when you were little, so you practically didn’t live together. Also, that she suffered abuse by both of your parents. Was it physical abuse?

This all paints a different picture. When you said she was narcissistic, I thought she was spoiled and got what she wanted. But that’s probably not true – it seems she didn’t get much, even though she may be better at asking for it.

Anyway, I made some wrong assumptions. I thought your mother was overburdened by having to take care of 2 small children, and this is what made you feel rejected, causing your fear of abandonment. But it seems it was more complicated than that, and that it was your mother’s character (i.e. her own wounds) that made her abandon you, both physically and emotionally (you said you were “emotionally and physically abandoned by both of my parents several times“).

Probably now these same wounds make her “adore” cats but not love her partner enough to take his needs into consideration. It’s good you’re aware of that mechanism and that you made her aware of it too, even though she might not be willing to change…

I guess I should try to neutralize myself and try to get a better grasp of what I might need.

I don’t know what you think of the exercise I suggested in my previous post – to make a list of your needs (e.g. your relationship needs), and see if you can say I need this, and I deserve it. Are you able to say that you deserve it? How does it feel?