symbols to what ? i like to be clear as possible, say what i really mean, without any symbols, i dislike symbols, because really if you want to say something, why not just say it

The word tree is not a tree. 16 bits of information that points past itself to a actual specific objective tree of which the 16 bits describe very little. Subjectively the word tree is a experience, a idea, a possibility of million of bits of information. The word tree pointing to something beyond the definition of the word tree, or the object that is a tree.  The map is not the territory, and words are the map not the territory. All words are symbols of the territory.

It is unlikely that we will understand each other and I’m not sure you want to? When I talked of saying Yes and No to Life as it its I indicated that both answers were valid, that perhaps their was a time for either.  I did suggest that the wisdom traditions appear to suggest that Yes was a ‘better’ answer but even those are often practiced as a No.  The intention is to take ownership of the answer and know in the moment how one is responding or reacting to life.  Saying No to something that cannot be changed may provide the energy to change what can or it can be just a waist of energy.

Let me speak plainly. When I read your writing this is the impression I am left with.
Few have suffered as much as you, or been dealt such a difficult hand. Only those who have been dealt such a hand might understand, but their isn’t anyone?   Anyone that has found a way to deal with such suffering have have fooled themselves and refuse to look at their reality with honesty?  Like the normies they can be dismissed. Your reasoning appears to allow you to be superior in your disappointment of the hand dealt you.

Superior, even if miserable, happy?

I don’t view that as a contradiction, I know many that find ‘joy’ even happiness  in being ‘realistic’ with what many might call a negative view of life. I suspect that I preferer a melancholy state of being, that in a way I find ‘joy’ in being sad.

I do think we have free will but that it is extremely difficult to exercise. (I suspect that most of us (myself included) have never learned how to exercise it)   As above so below as below so above, we are influenced and we influence, only the ‘above doing the influencing’, is the most likely.

We are dealt cards that we did not ask for, and some cards suck, some people will never experience happiness or joy as those words are generally understood.  Yet I wonder. How is it that some who have been dealt the best of hands fall into depression, while some with the worst hands don’t and even thrive in their way?