Dear Ik09:

Thank you for asking: I am okay in regard to Covid, being that I’ve been fully vaccinated (Pfizer) since March and vaccines are very effective against the virus (will need booster shots later). In regard to the U.S., where I live, I am worried about the radical, authoritarian right wing that controls the Republican Party- that it will take over the country in the next few years, turning democracy into an authoritarian regime. It’s a real threat.

I am sorry to read that your sister is living with you now that she is married. I hope that she moves away sooner than later. I hope that more and more of India gets vaccinated as quickly as possible. In regard to your father having started his research so to get you married: I don’t believe in astrology but good thing astrology is only a “first evaluation”. Further evaluations make sense to me: finding out about his job, his family, their literacy and giving you the chance to get to know the guy (and decide on a Yes or a No, I hope!).

I think that it is possible that you are afraid of being in a relationship/ afraid of intimacy, and that is why you fantasized a lot about being in a relationship but in reality, you stayed in long-distance relationships where you hardly spent time with the supposed boyfriend.

You can read about Fear of Intimacy in psych alive. org. (no spaces). This pdf includes pictures, drawings, comics, diagrams- a well organized, colorful format that includes the topics of attachment theory, the inner critical voice, and  more, and it lists names of books that can help you.

Here are quotes: “Why is it that we push love away?…Interpersonal relationships are the ultimate source of happiness or misery. Love has the potential to generate intense pleasure and fulfillment or produce considerable pain and suffering… When you long for something, like love, it becomes associated with pain, ‘the pain you felt at not having it in the past.- Pat Love, Ph.D, author The Truth About Love”.

Here is a quote that I think fits you very well: “We may be tolerant of realizing our dreams and desires in fantasy, but very often we are intolerant of having them fulfilled in reality”. If you look it up and want to talk about it, please do. I wonder what is stressful so much about your job (?)

anita